The LIFE of the Party

We are doing a study of Luke at church and today the sermon was from chapter five. Tonight in our Bible study group we were discussing the sermon and what we had gleaned from the chapter and someone brought up the dinner at Levi's (Matthew's) house. What a scene-- Jesus hanging out with tax collectors and "other people" at a huge "party/feast"! Were these old drinking/cheating buddies of Matthew? Did he want them to encounter Jesus in the same way he had? Is this why he threw the party in the first place? Or, had his buddies heard about Matthew's crazy decision to give up the tax collector life to follow some strange rabbi? Had they come to the feast to see for themselves what Matthew had signed up for and what could possibly be so great about this guy he was so willing to give up everything to follow?

And, at the party, were those guys sitting around laughing amongst themselves about how much money they had swindled from people over the past month? Did Jesus hear them? Did he say anything, or did He let it slide? Or, did those men sense something when Jesus looked into their eyes? Did they have some strange feeling that this man knew them-- and all their sinfulness-- in ways they could never begin to imagine?

And then when the "good guys" showed up to crash the party and stop the fun, Jesus stuns them with: "It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance."

So-- we thought for awhile.... What did that all really look like? What did he really mean by that statement? And-- maybe even more convictingly-- what does that mean for us today?

I would consider myself amongst the "sick"-- even on my best days.... Jesus' use of metaphors is so frustrating at times at least on the surface. He could have answered those guys in more direct terms on so many occasions, but instead, He always seems to paint a word picture for them-- giving them something to chew on for awhile.

The relationship between a doctor and his patient is an interesting dynamic. We don't seek a doctor unless we are sick, and when we are sick, we are desperate for healing and relief. We are in some ways completely at the mercy of the doctor and his cures. We are totally dependent on him to fix what is ailing us. Was Jesus trying to get the Pharisees to realize that they, too, were utterly dependent upon Him-- only they refused to admit it? They were in complete denial of just how spiritually sick they were. Perhaps it is no coincidence that just before this banquet passage Jesus heals the leper and the paralytic-- both of whom sought out Jesus and had faith that He could provide the healing that they needed. A stark contrast with the Pharisee's mind set.

So-- what does this mean to those of us who are definitely "sick" in one sense, too, but who also have recognized that Jesus is the only answer for our lives? When we encounter the sick of this world who don't know Him, how do we meet them where they are and not come across as judgmental or overly fanatical about wanting to share our faith? Jesus also says-- "The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire"(Matt. 3:10). He obviously never condoned the immoral actions of the men-- so what does hanging out with sinners really look like? How can you simply associate with "sinners" without at some point having to face the "I am compelled to confront them about the sin in their life" moment? How did you socialize and let them know the truth at the same time? Where is the balance between calling someone from a life of sin and at the same time just loving them the way that they are?

Maybe those are really the easy questions. Maybe the harder questions have to do with why we are not hosting any banquets ourselves. How often do we really go out on a limb and put ourselves in those kind of situations where we know that we are actively pursuing the "sick"?-- those that Jesus made a specific point to reach while He was here. I think we most often have parties for the people who already love Jesus and already view Him the same way we do-- it isn't often that we pull up our chairs to a table with those who don't see faith in the same way we do. Why?!

Are we afraid of becoming the "door knockers" or "spiritual vacuum cleaner salesmen" of our generation? Do we assume that everyone around us already knows His love and mercy-- or that at the very least they have been exposed to Jesus already and have already made up their minds one way or another about Him?

It is all hard stuff to wrestle with! It takes us into scary territory. Reaching out to others can be so uncomfortable. I don't really want to put myself into such a vulnerable position. We live in a world whose mantra is "I'm ok-You're ok". We don't ever want to set ourselves up in the position of telling others that the lifestyle they have chosen to live is not consistent with how God has called us to live. Is that because we know only too well the baggage and sin we carry in our own lives?

It all has to come down to grace. When we can become comfortable simply sharing the wonderful freedom of His grace with others, then real change begins to happen-- in our lives and in other's lives. Donald Miller says that it isn't our job to change people, but rather it is our job to love people. When that connection is made, then God can work to bring about the change He desires.

Lord, please teach me and show me how to do this in real ways in my daily life!! I am so blind to the many opportunities that You lay before me every day to share Your love and mercy. Help me to be less self-focused and more other-focused. You have graciously given Your love and mercy to me-- help me to share it with others!

Future Big Brother!

We can now proudly announce that yet another Westerman will be joining our ranks in March! We are looking forward to seeing Luke with his new brother or sister and experiencing all the chaos that will come with having two! Keep us in your prayers!

Thoughts on Loss and Love

I know all of you have been deeply touched and affected by the haunting images of the Katrina victims. It seems like such an overwhelming tragedy-- you want to help, but you aren't even sure where to begin.... Luke and I went by Target today and picked up supplies which will be taken down this afternoon by a local church to another church in Jackson, Mississippi to be distributed. At least I felt like I was doing something to help.

As I loaded up boxes of diapers, sheets, food....-- it just struck me how VERY blessed we are. Buying those items was no real sacrifice for us. We have been so fortunate and this small gesture doesn't even seem like much. How can we not help when we have a hot meal to eat together tonight in our comfortable home and cozy beds to sink into when we turn out the lights?! I can't even begin to fathom how those people are coping... it truly does break your heart. I am praying that God will use us in even bigger ways in the near future to help out in any way we can. This is definitely not a cause that will be over in a matter of weeks.

I am almost finished with Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller-- what an interesting read. I have really enjoyed his insights on faith. Last night's chapter was "How to Really Love People." It was a great take on how we tend to only relate to people in economic terms. He started by showing us an example with cancer. When you ask people to use metaphors relating to cancer they more than not respond with "we battle cancer", "we fight cancer", "we defeat cancer", etc.-- all terms that have overtones of battle/war. Doctors say that this has a negative effect on cancer patients-- that it stresses them out and puts a lot of pressure on them when they see it as an enemy to be fought in a life and death battle. Then he moved on to our personal relationships and noted that our metaphors there follow a similar pattern-- not battle, but economic-driven-- "we value people", "people are priceless", "we avoid emotionally bankrupt relationships", "we invest in people's lives", etc. Miller comments:

And that's when it hit me like so much epiphany getting dislodged from my arteries. The problem with the Christian culture is we think of love as a commodity. We use it like money.... If somebody is doing for us, offering us something, be it gifts, time, popularity, or what have you, we feel they are priceless.... With love, we withheld affirmation from the people who did not agree with us, but we lavishly financed the ones who did. [We] used love like money, but love doesn't work like money. It is not a commodity. When we barter with it, we lose. Blue Like Jazz, pg. 218

I am sure that I have treated relationships in my life that way. It is so easy to reduce them to "How will this person benefit me?" or "Are they worth the investment of my time and energy?". That is very hard to admit/confess-- but so often true.

Miller goes on to share-- "Nobody will listen to you unless they sense that you like them. If a person senses that you do not like them, that you do not approve of their existence, then your religion and your political ideas will all seem wrong to them. If they sense that you like them, then they are open to what you have to say." BLJ, pg. 220

When we never allow ourselves to truly open up and love people-- we are the real losers. We are missing out on so much. Everyone has a beautiful story to share and things that we can learn from...

I am starting to see that my religious and political views don't really matter all that much in the scheme of things and that there is an entire world of people out there who need to be loved-- regardless of their views and perspectives on the world. It is too easy to surround myself with people who like me and think like me. Jesus called us to more than that. I think it is finally dawning on me that this is really at the heart of what it means to be "missional". It is getting outside of yourself just long enough to realize that people matter because they matter to Him. It isn't my job to change people-- it is my job to show everyone the love of Christ.

I sincerely pray that God will open my eyes and show me ways to LOVE people.

Blue Like Jazz

Last night I was so blessed to hear an incredible speaker named Donald Miller. Two years ago he wrote a book called Blue Like Jazz which really took off among believers as well as non-believers. He presents an amazingly real view of Christianity. He doesn't profess to be any sort of preacher-- just a "man in the pew" like the rest of us.

His talk last night was "Romeo, Juliet, and Jesus". I can't count how many times I have taught this play to students-- some like it, some don't. But, last night, I was shown a side of the story that I had NEVER considered-- that the entire story mirrors our relationship with Christ. We are the Romeo who has no power to change our name or nature apart from Juliet (Christ). Then and only then can we be "newly baptized" and share in a real relationship with Him. I can't do the entire talk justice-- but it truly was eye-opening for me. At the end, he showed a clip from Baz Lurhmann's remake of the film with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. He pointed out that surprisingly, Baz made Biblical/spiritual references throughout the movie-- with a cross in almost every scene. And in the final death scene, he stages it in a church, with Juliet (Christ) laid out as a sacrifice on an altar. Romeo must walk down the aisle and then join Juliet in Death, then Lurhmann pans out to show that Romeo and Juliet are lying within a huge cross made from thousands of candles. - much like Paul talks about us dying with Christ to rise again in a new relationship with Him.

Another great point that he made was how our Americanized culture has stripped the power of the gospel--- that as good consumers, we are always on the look out for the miracle product that will change our life and bring us happiness and fulfillment.... and that we have done the same with Jesus. We want a 5 step plan on how to have a relationship with him that we can easily implement and that, if pursued correctly, will bring us the fulfillment we long for.... He says that it is a complete distortion of Christ's message. That if it were some type of formula, Jesus would have laid it out for us in scripture-- He didn't... Instead he presented everything in terms of relationship metaphors-- Father to child, Shepherd to sheep, King to servant, etc.

Miller's bottom line point was that the very nature of finding Christ resides in that relationship and NOTHING else.... that our "Age of Enlightenment" mentality has robbed us from seeing the amazing beauty of the love relationship He wants to have with each of us-- that we have lost the artistry and beauty of the story, and we have tried to reduce it to something we can prove or measure. He argues that it cannot be done-- which is so hard to accept in our "see it to believe it" world. He says it is simply a beautiful mystery which cannot be explained any more than you can walk up to a blackboard and define the steps it takes for a man and woman to fall in love.

A great example he gave of how our logical minds hear and interpret Christ-- When we read Jesus' claim that we must reject mother and father, etc. to follow Him, we think, "That is so harsh! He was such a by the book kind of guy. How can I ever do that?" But when we read Shakespeare's Juliet say to Romeo deny thy father and reject your family, we think, "Oh how beautiful! What a love story!" We need to reorient our view of Christ in relationship terms so that we don't miss out on the amazing obsession and love He has for us.

Anyway-- it was a SUPER talk that I wish all of you could have heard! It really made me think, and I went home and read half of Blue Like Jazz last night!

I thrive on people who can challenge me to see things in a way I have never thought of, and Miller did just that!

Check out his site for some excerpts from his books!

http://www.bluelikejazz.com/

Making Memories in Destin

We had a great time in Destin.

It was fun watching Luke experience the ocean for the first time.

Luke wasn't sure if he liked the sand on his feet or not! He kept wanting us to get it off!

Mommy and Luke at the beach.

Sunset in Destin!

Luke enjoyed being in the ocean-- he just didn't like to be on the water's edge when the water hit the sand.

Up the Down Staircase

This Sunday, Scott, Luke and I leave for a big family vacation in Destin-- my Mom and Dad, my Aunt, my two sisters, and niece and nephew! Over the past several years, our family has taken trips together-- mostly our West-- to Yellowstone and Glacier. This is the first time we have ever headed to the beach-- much to my youngest sister's delight!

Luke continues to teach me new things about the world and life each day. He is getting very independent lately as far as his mobility. He weighs around 30 lbs. now, so I am more than happy for him to walk everywhere that he chooses, as long as he holds my hand when necessary. One of his favorite jaunts is from our car, inside the Y, to the nursery, and back every morning. He will proudly hold my hand and stroll in the front door, greeting Miss Erin and Mr. Michael each day as they scan our card and say hello to him. Then we head to the double staircase which leads us down to the nursery. I am still amazed at how his walking skills have progressed just over the past few months. Now he can easily hold the railings and maneuver his way down the stairs, slowly but surely.

His persistent stair climbing always draws thoughtful comments and smiles, whether he is going up or down. Perhaps this is because everyone must wait on him or step around him in order to use the stairs themselves! Everyone is sweet and patient with him.

Wednesday, we were headed up the stairs from the nursery. As I was encouraging him with, "Good job, Luke!", "What a big boy you are!", I noticed a precious elderly woman coming down the stairs on the opposite side of the railing. She looked over at Luke and smiled. It occurred to me at that moment what an irony this all was... Luke was trying with all his might to get up the stairs as she was now trying with all her might to get down the stairs... It was a whole "circle of life" realization that at some point, time kind of reverses itself and we all become "young" and helpless again-- just as we started out in the world.

Luke and I spent Tuesday night with our small group (Scott was in Denver). One of the couples in our group is moving to Knoxville this weekend-- he will start law school there in a week. This was a "going away party" of sorts. Their little boy is 6 months older than Luke. We all hate to see them go, but at the same time, we are excited for them. Change is an inevitable part of life, no doubt, but sometimes it is easier than others.

I have never been good at change. I have openly admitted that for several years now, but that hasn't made the changes I have faced--and am currently facing-- any easier, most of the time. As I am growing older, I am realizing many things about myself-- I am especially weird about some things. I think I analyze life and the world more than most-- this is both good and bad. For example, I have always questioned the church "baggage" that I grew up hearing and being taught, wondering why it was so easy for most people to come to church every week, sit on a pew, and NEVER question things! It seemed as if they chose to live in ignorant bliss. They surely never sat up all night debating a particular part of Scripture or wondering why things were the way they were! They just lived life and enjoyed the time they had... I always had to make things more complicated for myself. But, now, maybe I see that they all probably had those questioning moments in life, but they lived through them, survived them, and chose NOT to make their lives more complicated than necessary! Maybe bliss isn't ignorance after all, but instead it is "release". I need to remember to release all my concerns, frustrations, and questions to God and let Him handle it! When I don't, I am showing a lack of faith and a pathetic reliance on myself instead of Him.

So-- I trust that in "My Summer of Spiritual Discontent" that God will ultimately make all things clear to me, and He will bring me peace about the changes in my life.

Scott competed in his first triathlon on Saturday, July 30th.
He did well and met his goal! He and Luke celebrated at the finish line!

Luke and Mommy on the 4th of July!

I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain....

Well-- I can't believe that it has been so long since I last posted! This is a record I am not proud to have set!

There aren't really any good excuses for it. Perhaps there has been so much going on in my world that is simply not good "blog fodder".... Things that are just too intimate to splash around for all to see. Some of those things are extremely wonderful and joyful-- some aren't.

I honestly haven't had the time-- or maybe it's the energy--- to spend on pondering deep spiritual principles or to even begin to think about posting them out here in blog land! I hope that I can write about all the stuff that is happening one day soon-- maybe after everything has been resolved. I hope that comes quickly!!

Beyond that-- life has been good! Our dear ZOE tenor Jason was married a couple of weeks ago! It was a beautiful wedding! Another wonderful ZOE milestone!

Luke is 18 months old today! He is still a great kid, but he is definitely starting to push those limits! He isn't good about sitting still or obeying yet! He just wants to run around and do as he pleases! He has no concept of patience either! Add to his new attitude the complexity of transitioning into a new nap schedule-- and life is interesting! :) He is still a sweetie, though!

It's hard to believe that August is already here! Why does time speed up as we age?!

Scott and I went to a James Taylor concert Sunday night. What a place to people watch! We had grass seats. As I looked around at the sea of young-- and old-- lovebirds, it struck me just how much time had gone by since Scott and I first went to see James Taylor in 1992. We had only been dating a month-- our relationship was so new! We were SO "in love"! We reveled in the summer night and had no clue what the years ahead had in store for us!

Now as we sat and listened to the same songs, on the same grass-- life had taken such a different turn! We weren't so much the infatuated lovebird-type-- maybe more the loving, mature married couple with an 18 month-old! At one point, we were forced to move our blanket to escape the smoke clouds from three teenaged boys who had plopped down next to us.... We ended up behind a couple who were probably in their early 40s. A few songs later, I couldn't help but notice that they hadn't even spoken one word to each other, and the distance between them, even on their tiny quilt, couldn't have been greater. From my outside observation, it really seemed sad. How could they be at a concert like this, with JT singing "How Sweet it Is to be Loved By You?" and act so indifferently towards one another?! Why did they even come? Then it hit me that I NEVER EVER want to be in a place like that in my marriage! I want to do whatever it takes to rediscover and never lose sight of our inner-"lovebirds" and to remember that passion that we shared back in '92!

Scott and I laid back on our little quilt, with our funnel-cake, and felt happy that we were still in love and so blessed to have such a wonderful family!

I wonder if JT will be touring when Luke is a teen? It would be fun to take him! :)

Happy 10th anniversary to us! In front of the Atlantis hotel in the Bahamas.

Paradise Island, the Bahamas.

This Pop Quiz We Call Life

Scott and I returned Monday night from our tenth anniversary getaway. The hotel was great-- the aquarium displays were truly amazing-- food was REALLY expensive though.

June is the beginning of the rainy season there, and it did rain quite a bit in the afternoons, but there was still enough sun for us both to get sufficiently burned our first day out. The beach was just the best! The water was crystal clear and tropical fish were everywhere swimming right by us-- no need for a snorkel!

The best part of the trip was the time we had to reconnect-- to talk about our marriage and to set goals for the future. Like I have discussed many times before-- it is so easy to fall into the "roommate" trap as a couple-- which is the point where your relationship becomes all about the facts and practical aspects of life and less about the passion and purpose that keeps you together. We agreed that we should cut each other some slack since having a child definitely has an effect on the overall relationship-- especially in the beginning. We are glad that we are able to discuss things openly and that we realize we need to be aware of how important our marriage is. So-- weekend getaways are a very good thing! Thanks to my Mom and Dad for watching Luke for us!

Luke was very happy to see us return! It is crazy to me how he looks so much older than he did just a mere 5 days earlier when I dropped him off! He is definitely a little "spoiled" after being with the grandparents. Maybe spoiled isn't the right word, but he is just "whinny"-- he doesn't like being told "no" and he wants to be the center of attention. Hopefully he will fall back into his old self soon and start sleeping until 8 am again-- for some reason he started getting up an hour or so earlier while we were gone.

As far my return to the real world-- there is much going on at church with our Sunday school class-- some good, some bad. It amazes me how adults can always so easily revert back to a state of "high school drama"-- (I include myself in that category). I have continued to be struck by how very differently people can view the world even though you would think we are all looking out the same window. Not a chance! Some people see a vast frontier yet to be conquered, some see a desert wasteland not worth pursuing, some look past the sand and see an oasis, some can't see anything because they can't stop focusing on the patterns on the curtains!! My problem is that I can't seem to determine which category I fall into on this one! I fear that I am ready to jump out of the window or at least I want to shut it and pray for God to point me to the door-- or at least another window!!!

One thought has struck me-- why are some so desperate to find a formula for faith? It seems like so many of us are more than ready to follow blindly anyone who makes spiritual sense and seems to have a faith of their own. Do we think that we can share in that faith if we become "good students of the teacher" and start to think the same way and hold to the same views? It's like we want someone to say, "Here is how you find God and a real relationship with Him in three easy steps." Sign me up! I like to follow directions and be involved with something where I can see real, tangible results-- and I can measure my progress-- and yours-- along the way. Somehow, I think Jesus came to show us that there are no formulas, only the form of a cross. Lord, please help me to open my eyes to how easily I have let this happen in my own life. Help me to mature in my own walk and to put my trust in you alone-- not in any person or Bible study.

Another side to all of this is how desperate we have become to find "community" in a world that has become increasingly more isolated. Few dare to venture outside their homes except to take out the trash or mow the lawn. We rely on our internet, TV, and the pizza delivery man! We don't have the time to cultivate meaningful relationships with others-- we are always trying to recover from the rush and hassles of our own lives, so when we have a few moments of unspoken for time, we want to retreat into our homes and enjoy the silence and seclusion. So, when we do manage to drag ourselves to church on Sunday, we expect the people there to be our "community" and to make up for all that we have been missing the other six days of our isolated week. We soon find that a few hours on Sunday is a hard way to develop those deep ties-- we soon find that the church is so large that no one really notices if we show up or not (and we can always watch the sermon online anyway!). We begin to wonder why we don't fit in and why we don't belong, why we aren't needed, and why everyone else seems to have their lives together except us, and we get angry and frustrated that we can't figure out how to obtain that community that seems to be out of our reach..... Church becomes more of a country club with cliques and rules and social hierarchies..... and some decide that they no longer see the benefit of paying their weekly dues-- and really, the church down the street seems to have a better atmosphere and perks as of late anyway.

How did Jesus define "church"?

Yikes! Didn't mean to ramble on! It's late. Scott's in Denver, and I have more questions than answers lately! Such is life! One stage after another where you continue to realize that just when you think you might have started to answer the question, you realize the question has changed, you are living in a "post" something or another world, and that you have NO idea why you ever thought you had the slightest inkling of knowledge on that subject or any other one for that matter!!! :)

That is when you have to slow down (stop typing!), take a deep breath, and remind yourself that Jesus is THE only Answer needed for this pop quiz we call "life."

Our 10th Anniversary - June 10, 2005

Lightning never strikes twice-- but 10 times!

Scott and I celebrated our 10th anniversary on Friday! I can't believe it! TEN YEARS!

Scott brought me flowers and surprised me with a diamond cross necklace! Very pretty! Then, we went to Fleming's for a nice romantic dinner! We are also headed to the Bahamas this Friday for an amazing getaway to the Atlantis resort! It will be a second honeymoon of sorts! We are VERY excited about this trip together to think back over our last 13 years together. (3 dating!)

Who can sum up 10 years in a few words? Thought I would share from the journal entry I wrote on June 9, 1995-- the night before our wedding.
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Finally, the night I have been waiting for is here! Actually, it's almost come and gone! I wasn't nervous at all today except for a few brief moments on the way to the church for the rehearsal dinner.... Scott and I didn't get to talk much. You're just too busy to think! I am glad that I am writing about how I'm feeling the night before our wedding! I'm pretty calm and very tired! I hope to get some good sleep tonight- everything is going so fast! It seems like chaos to me, but I guess it's normal!

This is my very last night as "Amy Anderson"-- I wonder what Scott is doing tonight at this moment?.... On the way home from the rehearsal dinner tonight, the sky was filled with lightning over the lake. It was very beautiful. Scott loves lightning. I think that it is very special that it happened tonight, because the first time Scott told me that he loved me, lightning had just struck, and I said, "I love lightning" and then Scott said, "I love you." I was so happy to hear those words because I knew I loved him, too! That was about a month and a half after we started dating! God truly brought us together! I can't wait to take his name tomorrow and start a new life with him! Lord, thank You for this beautifully hectic time!
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The past 10 years with him have been truly blessed! I can't imagine having a better husband or father to our son, Luke. I am looking forward to the next ten years with my best friend!

My Babble and the Flip Side of Babel

Well-- it is almost midnight, and I should have gone to bed a LONG time ago. It is hard to keep a normal schedule when Scott is out of town. I always end up staying up late for some reason.

Having Scott gone makes for LONG days, too. Luke is still a dream-- so fun to be with, but I never underestimate how great it is when "Daddy" comes walking through the door at night. It is just nice to be able to sit back and watch him interact with Luke, or change a diaper, or feed him, or give him a bath. It lets me focus on other things and allows me to have a more objective perspective on things. Scott really is an AMAZING dad. Luke and I are blessed.

Once again I find myself struggling with my spiritual journey. I have finally begun to acknowledge that I am running on empty. I have been so busy lately that it has taken awhile for me to finally see that I have overdrawn on my "faith account" because I have not been making any deposits! I am the classic example of someone who can get so caught up in the "doing" that I can completely forget about the "being"-- as long as I'm "doing" churchy things, then I must be deepening my walk. This is simply a lie.

Tonight I was blessed to hear something that I needed to hear... Thanks, God, for speaking to me through the message of a godly woman. She reminded me of a very important thing....

I have been wondering what my purpose was as far as how God wanted to use me or what He wanted me to do in life. Surely there had to be more than being a stay-at-home mom living in isolated domestic bliss! What do you want from me, Lord?! Tell me! Tell me!

He did tell me-- and all of us:

Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent." John 6:29

It is so simple that it is profound! God wants me to stop trying to chart out the future and to focus on Jesus only-- BELIEVE! I had been trying to put the proverbial cart before the horse. For some reason, I had fooled myself into thinking that I was fulfilling the will of God by "doing" instead of allowing my heart to be totally taken with believing in Him, and trusting that He would lead me where He wanted me to be in His own time. It is only in first believing in Him, and being changed by all that encompasses, that we are even able to begin to comprehend what He might have in store for us. It is also the overwhelming nature of our belief and our faith which motivates us to do those works that "He has prepared us in advance to do." It has to be in that order-- or our motivations are not pure. I had lost sight of that.... I pray that I will be more aware of it-- my tendencies to focus on the spiritual "externals" instead of the internals.

I also feel like I have had a minor break through in my thinking on the Holy Spirit. I have always been stumped by the concept of Him. How does He work in our lives today? Am I truly living a life in the Spirit-- by His power? If not, why?..... Anyway, I have also been in many late night talks about why He seems to have worked differently amongst the disciples in the first century than He does today-- at least, if He still does, I have never witnessed it firsthand-- although I have heard many reports-- even from within my own family. I have never seen someone healed on the spot, raised from the dead, or seen someone prophecy.

So-- I have been reading a book that mentioned that throughout Scripture God would pour out His Spirit on people for a specific time or task-- like Gideon, Samson, David, Elijah, Elisha-- He allowed them to participate in miracles that demonstrated His power to a lost world. Then, when Jesus came and died, we were able to access the Spirit once and for all time-- He came to dwell in us. I had never thought about John 20:22 before-- when a resurrected Christ returns to reveal himself to a sad, defeated bunch of His terrified disciples:

And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit."

Is this the first sign of the new indwelling Spirit-- the Comforter that Christ had promised?! It is all so deep for me to ponder, but-- at least I have had some new thoughts on it.

It is the Spirit who allows us to move beyond the "doing" and to truly live in the power of "being" what God has called us to be!

I also have to pass on this tidbit that I picked up from John York at church on Sunday-- I had NEVER EVER thought of this before!! (Excuse my poor attempt to summarize your sermon, John!) He had proposed that for all of time, humans have sought to differentiate themselves from each other-- Cain and Able, Northside Church of Christ and First Baptist Church, etc. He said that the Tower of Babel is the perfect example of that differentiation. They were arrogantly trying to establish themselves as on par with God, and He chose to show them that they were sadly mistaken. BUT-- when God's perfect plan of reconciliation began to further unfold at Pentecost, there was a complete reversal.... Now instead of many languages and confusion, there was one message of truth understood by all! Pentecost was the flip side of the Babel coin! God's perfect timing and plan revealed! Or, as the man I was sitting next to exclaimed, "The Tower of Babel was all about the mouth-- Pentecost was all about the ears!" Neat thoughts! Ponder that for awhile! Thanks, John!

Well-- thanks for reading my midnight thoughts! I must sleep! :)

Scott and I at Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas.

What happens in Vegas...!

Scott and I just returned from a getaway trip to Vegas! I had never been before, and I'm not really the gambling type-- but we had fun! He even taught me the fine art of craps at 1:00 a.m.! I actually learned the basic tenants and even took a turn and throwing the dice! We made $400! VERY fun! (sorry to those of you who are offended at my wild streak!) We also got to see Ray Romano (Everybody Loves Raymond) do his stand up act. He was very funny and talked a lot about his wife and family.

It was so nice to get away and to spend time with each other-- without Luke! As much as we love him, we are realizing that taking time out for the two of us is VITAL! We had reached a point where life had gotten consumed with appointments, trips, schedules, etc! We had stopped connecting and had started to feel like roommates united in a common cause to raise Luke. This in itself is probably not all bad-- but, we realized that we were missing out on the wonderful relationship we had always enjoyed together.

So-- getting away was nice! We left Luke with Mom and Dad and didn't fret over him for one second! That is such a blessing just to know that he is safe, loved, and completely oblivious to the fact that Ma Ma and Da Da are lying by the pool at Caesars Palace!!! Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Our 10th anniversary is in a couple of weeks! CRAZY! In some ways it seems like yesterday when we were walking down the aisle-- in other ways it seems like ions ago! I am SO blessed to be with such an amazing man.

The past year has been an interesting time of adjustment for us, our changing relationship, our new roles as parents-- but for me, I think it has been especially hard trying to balance the role of "wife and mother". The mother part has come easy for me-- mostly thanks to Luke being such a perfect, easy-going kid and an awesome, loving husband. But-- the wife part has left me sadly lacking I am ashamed to say. I often find myself being less than loving and supportive at the end of the day-- mainly I assume because I have spent the entire day pouring out my love, energy, and emotions on Luke... I just don't leave any thing for Scott! At least I recognize it, and I vow to work on it!!! Thankfully, Scott is patient, too!

Our little daredevil! Luke was an angel on the trip! He remained flexible and easy-going even though he had to be dragged around all week! He is such a GREAT kid! What a sweetie!

The ZOE Crew at this year's Pepperdine Lectures.

Pepperdine 2005

Covering the Gamut...

What a GREAT week-- but different than the other years! We got home from our annual Pepperdine trip late Sunday night. My parents and my little sister accompanied us on the trip this year.

The lectures were really good-- our class with Mike went well, and I actually got to sit in on several of the other wonderful classes-- Yes, I am a lecture geek! I enjoy it! My favorite was Rick Atchley's class with Dave Stone, minister at the Southeast Christian Church in Louisville. Their talks were first rate! They have both been gifted by the Lord! They spoke such truth.

Being in Ken Star's session was also interesting-- he is such a lawyer nerd, but amazingly smart and funny-- which surprised me, because that part of his personality NEVER came across through the media.

No major star sightings this year-- we ate Mexican with Pierce Brosnan and family-- and the lead singer of Incubus (whoever he is?!).

We also had a VERY late into the night conversation with my parents, my sister and my hometown preacher (Paris, TN) which covered the gamut of most of the C of C baggage that you could ever think of.... my parents reluctance to broaden their views on "Christian", instrumental music, the first day of the week Lord's Supper, the issue of baptism-- specifically over if it is necessary for salvation, i.e. is that the point at which you receive the Holy Spirit and the forgiveness of your sins, or did that happen on the cross-- etc. etc. etc. -- If you could only have been there for that one folks!!! Isn't it amazing how little we actually discuss our faith with our own immediate family?! Well-- I guess that's not totally true for my side of the family! Seems like we are always staying up late to debate! I think my parents are still a tad in denial over some of their closed-mindedness-- they just can't give up the "glory days of the church", and they aren't much on all the change they see happening-- can't say that I blame them for being sentimental-- just as I am sure I am a tad too open-minded, opinionated, and vain about my own views-- which I am sure I am wrong about on some points!!! Anyway-- they have come a LONG LONG way, and it is nice to see and hear-- even if it is 1:00 a.m. As for me? I am still on the journey myself.

Before coming home, we visited the Reagan Library. It was nice. So odd to be walking through a timeline of someone's life--- his baby photo and announcement in the local paper, his elementary yearbook, the actual restaurant booth where he proposed to Nancy, a display of handwritten love letters and notes he had penned for her, the wedding suit Nancy wore, a concrete remnant from the backyard of their first home where they had carved their initials... Hundreds and thousands of bits and pieces and trinkets which comprised his life. It made me stop and think about what would be in my "museum" when all is said and done.

Here is Amy with the ugly glasses she had to wear during middle school to correct the lazy eye problem she had; the actual clarinet she played in the band; basketball jersey with #32 which she wore for the Mayfield Middle School Cardinals-- (although she might have been #33-- she and her best friend Stacie always mixed up their jerseys, so they never really knew who was which by the end of the season); photo of Amy and her high school sweetheart Lance; her senior portrait with the BIG 80's hair; Her graduation program from Lipscomb; hundreds of books from her days as an English teacher; Photos of her with Scott-- their engagement at the horse farm, their wedding; thousands of photos of their son Luke.....

I can't really begin to imagine what would go behind the glass after that.... makes my head hurt! Life is so funny-- it all comes down to old stuff, faded photos, and snippets of memories.... Gather ye rosebuds while you may-- or at least the digital photo files! Praise the Lord, that there is more to this life than what we make it of it here on earth!

So great to run into so many bloggers out at Pepperdine! What a neat group of people! Keep on blogging!

Scott, Luke, and Me-- New Arrivals Day, April 2005.

You were, You are, and You will always be

Aside from coming down with a cold on Saturday, this week was much calmer for us! I didn't feel like I had a million things to do, places to go, and people to see... It was nice! We didn't even have one thing on our agenda for the weekend! I really love when that happens!

Well, the 9th ZOE conference CD is finished as of last Saturday! Yippee! Our last day in the studio proved to be our most daunting though-- of course! We had saved "You Were There"-- a powerful song that Avalon recorded (The Creed, www.avalonlive.com)-- to finish up with... It was a pretty diffucult arrangement, and that one song took us 5 hours to complete! I'm not sure that is a ZOE record, but it has to be close. It was really hard! We must have sung it through a hundred times! I think it is going to be awesome though once the solos are laid down and it is mixed. The words to the song are just so meaningful and strong and true:

I wonder how it must have felt
When David stood to face Goliath on a hill
I imagine that he shook with all his might
Until You took his hand, and held on tight
'Cause You were there, You were there
In the midst of danger's snare
You were there, You were there always
You were there when the hardest fight
Seemed so out of reach
Oh, You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So there he stood upon that hill
Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill
But God in all his sovereignty had bigger plans
And just in time, You brought a lamb
'Cause You were there,
You were there
In the midst of the unclear
You were there, you were there always
You were there when obedience
Seemed to not make sense
You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So haven't I learned that my ways
Aren't as high as Yours are
And You alone keep the universe
From crumbling into dust
You are God and though we would
Not have understood You
There You were

Hanging blameless on a cross
You would rather die than leave us in the dark
Every moment, every planned coincidence
Just all makes sense
With Your last breath
You were there, You were there
During darkest hour
You were there, You were there always

You were the Victor and the King
You were the power in David's swing
You were the calm in Abraham
You are the God who understands
You are the strength when we have none
You are the living, Holy one

You were, You are and You will always be the Risen Lamb of God
You were, You are and You will always be the Risen Lamb of God

It is crazy when we go into the studio and cut 13 songs over a month and half that you actually forget what you recorded! I sat down at the piano this weekend and pulled out the music from my notebook. As I began to play through the songs, I realized that there are some GOOD songs on this one. I pray that they will touch many lives. They have already touched mine....

ZOE is off to Pepperdine next week! One of our most fun trips of the year! This year will be a tad different... Sheryl-- our AMAZING soprano (Brandon's wife)-- isn't coming since little Sam is so close to making his debut. Jason-- our AMAZING tenor and comic relief-- isn't coming since he is getting married in July and needs the vacation time for his honeymoon. And, the group isn't staying for the Friday class (Mike Cope) this year. So-- it will be a little different, but still an awesome week I'm sure. We have two incredible subs that sound GREAT! We are so fortunate to have so many great singers to pull from in Nashville. These two are like family to us anyway, and they will fit right in. I am really looking forward to it! Can't wait to see Luke at the beach this year! Hard to believe he turned 3 MONTHS-OLD at Pepperdine last year! He is SO big now! I think he will be so fun, if he survives the plane ride out!

I'm posting our family photo from New Arrivals Day a few weeks back. It turned out well!

God, help us to constantly remember that You are there-- even when we don't feel Your presence. In spite of our unreliable emotions and "feelings"-- You were, You are, and You will ALWAYS be our Lamb who came to save us! THANK YOU, Father!

Real Estate vs. REAL

Luke is back to his normal, happy self after several days of grumpiness-- He just wasn't feeling like himself and was battling the same stomach issues that he fought off last month. It wasn't as bad this time-- no vomit, etc. So-- times like that make me REALLY appreciate what a truly good kid he is. If he were a grump all the time, I would be, too!

He is just so much fun. He is getting smarter and smarter each day. Every day he does something that astonishes me and makes me smile. I will point to a car and say "vroom vroom" and he will say "car" and then mimic my "vroom" sound-- and I think-- "How does he know to do that?!" He also has Scott's sly, mischievous side to him. He will do something he knows he's not supposed to and then look up at you with those gorgeous blue eyes and a half-grin... it is so hard for me not to laugh when I am trying to teach him a valuable lesson in self-discipline! :)

Scott has been gone all week to the Ritz in Orlando-- rough life!! I was going to go, but I have ZOE commitments this weekend-- oh well! Poor me! I am actually looking forward to another weekend in the studio. We are only 3 songs away from being done! I have to say-- I really love this CD. I think it has a completely different feel from our last few, but I can't really say how or why... I just like it. I also love hanging with the gang. What an awesome group of people! LOVE THEM! Bring on the Pringles!

The neurotic side of me has been working over time the past few weeks... I confess that I think I have gotten a little stuck in the "Keeping Up with the Joneses" mire. Several of our friends have bought new homes or land to build new homes on... and that started me on a search for the perfect piece of property for us. Well, we actually have an extremely nice home already, and I do feel so blessed and I love it! BUT (isn't there always a "but" somewhere!?)-- one of my downfalls has now become home decor. I love thinking about new layouts, paint colors, fabric, etc. I get excited thinking about the possibility of getting/building a new house just because I think it would be fun! We probably will want to find another place with a bigger yard as Luke grows... but that will probably be at least a couple of more years... Which means my spending hours online at "realtor.com" was not exactly needed-- neither was my cruising of neighborhoods as Luke slept in the carseat! I am so bad about getting focused on a "mission"-- I don't want to do anything else until it is accomplished. I get impatient and want to make it happen right now!

After coming home and telling Scott about a perfect home that I found for us, he looked at the price, and then proceeded to tell me that we weren't ready to move just yet. He reminded me off what a great place we already have and how blessed we are. He's right. House hunting will have to wait-- although I have talked him into looking at two lots for sale this weekend! :)

We really do have more than MANY and I am blessed. I am so thankful to be able to stay with Luke and to have a beautiful home. This morning I think God was speaking to me-- I was watching Joyce Meyer while Luke was eating his breakfast. She was speaking from James and she said that when we run around impatiently, not trusting that God has a plan for us, it shows spiritual immaturity. That is so true-- I am spiritually immature, and I have such a long way to go! I need to just trust that we will be and live where we need to be and live-- regardless of whether I check the new MLS postings each day. I have some work to do on myself! Instead of "real estate", I just need to get REAL about my walk!!

Lord, teach me not to love this world and its trappings so much! You have blessed me over and above what I deserve! Let me live in the happiness You have blessed me with and be content. Content to be Your child and to know Your love. And-- thanks for my adorable son and amazing husband!! AMEN!

Just a swingin' with my buddy!

Luke and I on New Arrivals Sunday, April 10, 2005.

Me and my buddy, Jason. We "fight" over which parts the tenors and altos will sing-- who will get the best notes!

ZOE Girls! My sweet friends-- Sheryl, Melissa, Me, and Karin.

ZOE in the studio-- April 2005

Luke and Scott on the way into church yesterday, April 3rd, 2005.

Zoe, Zones, and Kingdom Work

Luke turned 14 months-old yesterday! He is getting SO big! Today I went to get him out of his crib after his nap-- he is always so happy and cuddly when he wakes up--- and the moment just kind of hit me... just what a great kid he is and how much fun I have being with him each day. He really is a joy and such fun to be around. I love seeing how his mind is able to process more complex ideas and concepts-- such as, now he will pick up his shoes and try to put them on his feet; he knows that that is where they belong and where mommy puts them every day. When he picks up a hairbrush, he will start brushing his hair, etc. He is a very good "mimic", too. I love showing him an object, telling him what it is called, and then seeing if he can say it back. Today he had one of my bracelets in his hand, and I think he actually said "bracelet"!!! At least that's what it sounded like he said! :) Anyway-- I am one proud Mommy! He is the best!

Last weekend in the studio was great! We knocked out 4 more songs which means we are 2/3 of the way through with this project. I still think this will be one of my favorites. Everything just seems to be clicking, and we have some very powerful songs-- several originals! I think my favorite right now would be "Mighty is the Power of the Cross". The words are SO great! Anyway-- can't wait to hear the mixed CD-- after Chris and Josh (our wonderful engineers this year) take all our rough stuff and work their magic! I think this will be the best sounding CD we have ever done as far as production quality. I'm excited! We are SO blessed to be able to use the Bennett House this year. Thanks, Ken! I'll post a few shots of us in the studio.

So-- I am doing well on my pursuit of hospitality!! This week I took the names and addresses of 60 couples at Woodmont who are affiliated with our Marriage Builders class and plotted their locations on a map. Then, I divided the groups into 6 geographic zones of 8-10 couples each, assigned "host" couples, and-- I'm proud to say that on April 17th, we will all be having our first "Community Zone Dinner" all over the city! It really is a simple, no-brainer concept that I wish we would have done even sooner. It provides the perfect opportunity for people to meet new folks and to see who their church "neighbors" are. I think it will be a great success. I have also formed a "supper club" of sorts with two neighbor couples of ours. Together, we are going to invite new couples over each weekend for dinner. We are on this weekend for Friday night. We are also going out with several couples on Thursday night to a charity catfish dinner, and on Saturday, we have a wedding shower for two of my former students who are getting married! This Sunday is also new arrivals day at Woodmont. Our whole family will be there to see Luke get his Bible and his blessing and then come back to our place for lunch. Whew! Busy weekend, but fun!

It is a wonderful irony of sorts, that the more you give of yourself-- no matter how busy you are or "think" you are-- the more you get back. It is how God designed it to be. When we trust Him enough to simply be about the Kingdom work of loving others, He always makes sure that things turn out how they should and that our hearts are filled. He is good.

Easter morning 2005

Amy and Luke after church on Easter.

Sickness, Songs, Pringles, and Passion

It has been awhile since I last blogged-- lots of stuff going on, as usual! First, Luke contracted his very first illness-- not bad since he is 13 1/2 months-old. He caught one of the stomach bugs that has been ravaging through Nashvegas. He spent an entire day vomiting, another day with 104 temp, and until today, hasn't had a bite of food in over three days! This morning he awoke with a little more spunk, although it took him one hour to eat a saltine cracker-- I think he's on the mend. So, all week, I have done little more than sit and hold him. It was actually nice to have nothing else on my schedule but to be with him and to comfort him.

We have also started work on our next conference CD for ZOE. We are recording in a beautiful studio this year-- The Bennett House in Franklin. That is where Ken Young (Hallal) is doing all of his stuff now, and he was instrumental in getting us in there-- THANKS! We are also working with two new engineers-- Josh and Chris, who ROCK! There has been such a nice chemistry amongst us so far-- I am expecting this to be one of my favorite CDs yet. We have six songs down which means we are almost halfway through. I wish people knew what a kick our recording times are!-- Then again, maybe not!

As Brandon stated on his blog, we are an opinionated group! The tenors and altos are infamous for fighting it out for the best notes! This weighs on Brandon's nerves, no doubt, but I am personally so thankful for him and his leadership style. He lets us hash things out, but then puts his foot down when he needs to and lays out his vision for each song. I am so glad that as singers we have input into not only the songs we will sing but even each note of our parts. Not many groups can say that, I'm sure, and that's why I think our ZOE arrangements are fun and different-- they are the result of nine people who have engaged in a creative and artistic battle for what each thinks is best! Not something to be witnessed by anyone but us, probably! We all know we are family and that even after the "discussions" we will never stop loving each other.

We also spend much time and energy snacking! Pringles, grapes, crackers and cheese, and all things chocolate have been the staple snacking foods for us since the beginning. We each contribute different goodies to the pile each night and then we scarf them down between takes and rehearsal time. Let it be said-- ZOE folks love to eat!

The theme of this year's conference is going to be along the lines of the Incarnation-- or how God has broken through into our lives and into our worlds, and how that has and is impacting us.... Very interesting. Can't wait to hear the testimonies from people on that one. I think it will be different than anything we have done before. Even though the conference is months away, it will really be here before we know it. It is one of my favorite weekends of the year, no doubt. If you have never experienced it, you should. I think official registration starts in May, but don't delay, we have been selling out the spots! Go to http://zoegroup.faithsite.com/ and click on the Look to the Hills Conferences link for more information. I would love to meet some of you in the blogging community in person! Please make sure to introduce yourselves!

So much of my time, energy and thoughts have been wrapped up in ZOE so far in 2005. In the past 2 1/2 months (10 weeks) we have traveled to Fresno, Abilene, spent two hours every Wednesday night rehearsing, and 3 days in the studio--- and we aren't even through-- we have three more weekends in studio, and a week in Pepperdine coming up in just 5 weeks. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade ZOE for the whole world-- it is one of the biggest blessings in my life... it just seems like it has been way too easy for me to slip into "ZOEland" lately and to lose track of my own intimate journey with the Lord. I really need to work on that...-- what's new?! I am so thankful that He is a God of mercy and compassion!

Other than feeling like I am doing a stinky job of sharing the time that I do have with others, life is going splendidly! :) Scott and I are really in need in of getting away to have some alone time with each other, too. We have been seeing each other coming and going lately! Between our crazy travel schedules we have done little more than pass off Luke and say "hello, good bye"! I guess back when it was the two of us, although we were just as busy, we didn't really miss our "couple" time as much-- when we had time we were able to spend it together, now we spend it with Luke-- which is awesome, but doesn't really allow for us to focus on our relationship very much. We are hopefully going to sneak away for a little ski weekend next week. I really need to get back on the slopes and to relax by a warm, cozy fire! It has been two years since we have been skiing together-- I was pregnant last ski season! I hope we get away!

Last week I sang on the praise team at Woodmont. Although singing through THREE services can be tiring, one benefit is being blessed to hear three sermons-- yes, it is a blessing! :) Last week John York did all three.... He had an incredible lesson on how we try to "name" ourselves instead of letting God name and define us-- read it here-- http://www.johnyork.faithsite.com/content.asp?CID=79345

One of the quotes he ended with really struck me:

"Our ideal self is revealed in what we value (passion), how we understand the world (belief), and what we do to reach our ideal (behavior). Our passion, belief, and behavior fit together so intimately that I can say this with confidence: What we do is what we really value. What we value enough to do tells others what we really believe. What we really believe shapes what we will become."

Dan Allender,To Be Told: Know Your Story; Shape Your Future,Waterbrook Press 2005

It made me think about what I truly value-- where do I spend my time? How does this show others what I truly believe? These are some hard questions to answer, but strike at the very core of our Christianity and our faith. If where we spend our time and energy shapes the very core of who we become, then it is just SO important that we are spending our time focused on Him and doing His will. I know I don't always do that. Hard to be honest about it.... so much of my life I devote to self and not to others. SO FRUSTRATING!!!!

Well-- at least I realize that I need to improve and that's a pitiful little start of sorts!

LUKE 13 months-old

Ignorantly in the Middle of It All

Yesterday Luke turned 13 months-old.... It seems so predictable and somewhat contrived to say, yet again, how fast the past 13 months have gone.... but it is so true. 13 months ago I had no concept of motherhood, no real concept of selflessness, of sacrifice.... I have learned so much through the experience of him entering into my life.

What is so hard to fathom is that one day I will be thinking those same thoughts, yet he will be on the verge of graduating high school, or getting married, or having his own child--- and to me it will probably still seem like it was just a blink back to when he was first learning to walk and to speak.

Time itself is such an interesting proposition-- after reading Slaughterhouse 5 (Kurt Vonnegut) in high school, I have always pondered "time"-- the amazing concept that it is perceived as chronological to us: one second followed by another second, by another minute, by another day, week, month, etc... But, really time is a much bigger construct than that-- so big that I am sure we can't even grasp it with our human minds. Some day I will have to ask God to reveal His whole thought process behind coming up with our concept of time. Meanwhile, I am doing my best to appreciate each second of it and to treasure the days I have with my wonderful husband and son.

As my life with Luke is going so well and is so joyful, my heart goes out to the Shaub and Griffith families. These families are spending their days kneeling beside hospital beds, watching their precious sons struggle to regain strength and spirit-- while trying to maintain theirs as well. I think about the Cope family and all that they have been through before and recently with their children.... I can't even imagine having to see Luke in a state like that-- I am not sure that I would have the strength or faith that these families continue to display. It is truly amazing.

Life is so bewilderingly overwhelming and indescribable most of the time! When I was younger I would sit around and philosophize about it-- trying to come up with answers to so many questions... Now I think I just sit around amazed.... no answers-- not even too many questions anymore-- I just observe and analyze my reactions to it-- and the reactions of others. It is just so interesting. Nothing stays the same for long-- Most everything is different than it is actually perceived-- Pain is just a pathway to learning and enlightenment-- Happiness is a choice not an event that we create-- Love is a fragile gift from above that can be terribly neglected, forgotten, or misused, but can also be the very reason for living.

Such are the crazy thoughts rambling around in my head-- I just put Luke in his crib for a nap and had to sit down and write. One day I will read this again and smile at how little I really knew about time, pain, life, and love-- but for now, I am content to sit ignorantly in the middle of it all-- to be amazed, to be thankful, and to be here, in this place, at this time, with these people who surround me, love me, and offer me a "life" to be lived and celebrated.

Thank you, Lord.

Luke reads the "instruction manual" which accompanied him on his trip to Ma Betz and Pa Bob's house.

At the ACU Lectureships this year, we were honored to lead the worship sessions before the keynote speakers.

The ZOE Gang with Christopher Cope. Mike and Diane had us all over for lunch while we were in town for the ACU Lectures.

A Piece of Chocolate for You...

Whew! What another whirlwind week! Seems like several of my last posts have started out this way! How do we get so incredibly busy?!

Saturday I left with ZOE to head to Abilene, Texas, for the ACU Lectureships. I was gone until Thursday morning. Scott left Sunday night for Detroit-- (he spent five hours in the Nashville airport before they actually cleared the plane to leave!). Monday he flew out to Denver and returned Wednesday night after a two-hour delay which got him to Nashville at 2 a.m.! So, we are road weary this weekend!

Where was Luke during all our travels? With my mom and dad! They got to have their first "parent-free" visit with Luke, and they really had a great time. Luke stayed true to his angelic behavior and couldn't have done any better. That is such a relief to me because I don't feel so badly for leaving him for such a long time. It is so nice to have my parents keep him-- we are so blessed to have great families.

The trip to ACU was such fun! It always is when ZOE gets together. We lead worship at Highland on Sunday-- it proved to be a very emotional service. The families involved in the accident all came to the front. A few of the children and parents shared how the event had affected them. Even Brody's family, the boy who was killed in the crash, was present at the first service. I can't imagine the strength it took for them to be up there-- only by the grace of God, I'm sure. Many of those who were among the first responders to the scene were also at church-- the police, EMTs, passerbys who stopped to help-- even a judge! They all had returned at the request of the families who wanted to show their appreciation to them for all they had done to help. It was a display of community and compassion in the grandest sense. All of them will forever share a bond that only they can comprehend. We were blessed to witness it.

We had also learned on the trip down that another tragedy had occurred.... Jonathan Shaub, the son of one of the elders at Otter Creek and a student I had known while teaching at Lipscomb, had been struck by a truck in Manhattan. He was in bad shape. Jonathan is the definition of what you would think the "perfect son" would be-- the star of the football team, smart-- he had a perfect score on his SATs, I think-- funny, kind.... He is such a great guy. His sister Nicole has sung with ZOE several times, too. She was keeping us posted on his progress. All our hearts were just breaking because we couldn't fathom what the family was going through. Right now, Jonathan seems to be making some improvement. Keep him in your prayers.

We had a lot of "down time" during the day, and we had fun hanging out and enjoying our time together. On Tuesday, Mike and Diane Cope had us over for lunch, and we got to see Chris-- also involved in the accident, but recovering well. He and Jason battled it out playing "horse" on the basketball hoop set up in the living room. It was very entertaining! It was also Brandon's mom, Miss Judy's birthday, so we had cake! FUN!

Doug and Nan Smith also had us out to their ranch for a genuine BBQ on the farm! They have a great little cabin out in the middle of nowhere on 1,500 or so acres. It was such a glorious day! The sun was shining, the wind was blowing, the JoAllen's BBQ was delicious! What more could you ask for?! What a fun time!

For the first time ever in the history of the ACU Lectures, we were leading the worship times before the keynote speakers at night. We weren't sure what to expect in this venue, but things went amazingly well. People seemed to respond favorably and didn't seem to want to run us off the stage! Praise the Lord! The speakers were good-- especially the Scottish preacher, Billy Wilson. He had such a different, in-your-face kind of style. Plus, he gave us one of our pharses for the week-- "Here's a piece of chocolate for you!" The best was Randy Harris' talk on Wednesday. He spoke from Colossians 4 on declaring the mystery of Christ. He said we need to be willing for things to look "weird", not expecting the church to look like it always has if we truly want to reach the lost. Amen, brother!

We are just so blessed to be a part of this ministry! We have been privileged to visit so many brothers and sisters from coast to coast in so many incredible worship environments. We have shared laughter and tears with family all over the country-- and even the world! A sweet woman from Micronesia-- a group of islands roughly halfway between Hawaii and Indonesia-- approached us in the cafeteria one day and told us how much our music meant to her. She told of us an incredible story about her mother and how our music had impacted her life before she died of breast cancer. She told us that long after we had left to remember that our music would still be in her heart! We have story after story like that which people have shared-- It is so humbling, and reminds us that God can use us to accomplish His purposes-- in spite of us and all our flaws!

Many of us pondered how strange it was to be back on a college campus. Several of the ZOE team actually attended ACU-- Brandon was named ACU Young Alumnus of the Year this past fall! When you are in the midst of a mass of college kids, you can't help but think back to your own past and your own college days. Those days were a time of such freedom and growth-- the world was new and the future untarnished! The irony is that you never fully realize what a sacred time it is until you can reflect back on it many years later. At the time it seems stressful, and painful, and frustrating... Much like our lives now-- which I am sure we will also look back on in time and wonder-- where did it all go?!

I had lunch one afternoon with a former student who was also in my lifegroup at church. It was so neat to listen to him share his problems with his love life. As I listened to his saga, it reminded me of so many things in my own past... I reassured him that no matter what happened with the girl who had disappointed him, God had a plan for his life. I tried to remind him to treasure each second and to leave behind the worry, anxiety, and drama that he was creating for himself... But, more than likely, he won't. I didn't. It's just all a part of the lessons we must learn along the journey.

Now it is back to the daily routine... It is funny how being gone for awhile almost makes you forget what normal day-to-day life is like. It is back to house cleaning, cooking, changing diapers-- all those truly wonderful things that you take for granted until you can get away, step outside yourself and gain a renewed perspective.

Thank You, Lord, for my healthy son who is just learning to take his first steps. Thank You, Lord, for my patient husband who supports me in my travels and in my ministry. Thank You, Lord, for my messy house that needs to be cleaned today. Thank You for the clothes in my suitcase that are dirty and wrinkled from the fun week I was blessed to spend with my Christian family in Texas. Thanks for my empty fridge and for the grocery run I need to make. Thank You, Lord, for my wonderful life as a stay-at-home mom. Thank You for the very life you have given us to live each day-- may we make the most of it as we learn through trial and error how to better follow in the footsteps of Jesus.

Stairway to Heaven-- at 4 a.m.

Today's entry is the perfect example of what happens at 4 a.m. when you can't sleep-- CRAZY thoughts which emerge from your semi-conscious mind!!! Last night Scott and I had an amazing dinner at our favorite fancy restaurant, and I had too much to drink-- sweet tea, of course!!! I am not used to all that caffeine so late at night, so I think that's why I had a restless night.

I kept having this random dream about being in New York with a group of friends. We were touring through the city and were at the top of one of the skyscrapers when we reached an elevator door. We wanted to get down to street level, but the elevator was broken. We were all standing directly in front of the door contemplating what a long way down it was in that elevator shaft!

This caused me to think about the many times I had actually been to New York-- in my real life!!! Obviously all of us were shaken to the core on 9/11 when we saw the planes fly into the World Trade Center. I remember walking over to our refrigerator and grabbing a magnet off the door that Scott and I had purchased at the top of the WTC just a few years earlier to add to our souvenir collection. It was a red apple-- "I love NY." We also have several photos of us taken from the top of the tower-- how odd that it no longer exists.

Going to the top of the Empire State Building is also an adventure! Its hauntingly beautiful architecture and history is so powerful. The site where it stands belonged to John Jacob Astor. He died tragically on the Titanic, and his son Vincent sold the property soon after his death. The Empire State Building, ironically, was also struck by an army plane in 1945, leaving 14 people dead. (Yes, all of this was swirling around in my head at 4 a.m.! Sad, but true!)

So-- I started to think about how crazy it is that we willingly get into a tiny metal box with at least 20-30 other people stuffed into it with us, so that we can travel to the top of a building to see the view. And-- if this box was made out of glass-- with a clear view of everything-- yes, even the floor-- Would we be so willing? I think I thought of this because in my dream we were dangerously close to the broken elevator door, yet we didn't think twice about the possibility of falling down the chute. If the door hadn't been there, and it was just a gaping hole, dropping 102 floors to the street below, would I have been standing, laughing right on the edge? No way?! It makes my stomach flip to think about it!!!

This is where my philosophizing took over--- bear with me!!! It might not make as much sense now as it did at 4 a.m. Why do we have so much faith and trust in things that keep us from seeing reality-- like small, metal elevator boxes? -or metal airplanes flying at 30,000 feet (Would you fly in the same plane if it were made of see-through material, allowing you to see all the way to the ground-- or would you feel just as calm and relaxed, ignoring the stewardess's safety instructions!?) We assume that we will be safe and protected-- Why?

There must be some spiritual principle to be found in all of that.... Perhaps we enjoy being blinded from things that make us afraid. We don't want to see the reality of the world we live in? Or, maybe we simply choose to trust in the inventions of man-- (objects which physically exist in our tactile world-- that we can see and touch)-- over the genuine realities of God.... The Tower of Babel might be a decent analogy-- Whereas the ark built by Noah was entirely and act of faith and trust in the Lord, roughly 100 years later, the Tower of Babel served as a prideful construct of man; a "stairway to heaven", glorifying his own accomplishment and strength.

Man does not really want to eliminate God. It is only sporadically and then only for a relatively brief time that men cry out for the elimination of God. Atheism is too barren, too pessimistic and too morally bankrupt to live with very long. The communists are finding this out. No, we need "dear old God," but let's keep him under control. Do not let him get out of his place. "Don't call us, God; we'll call you." This is the fundamental philosophy of society. It is the tower of Babel all over again.

from The Beginnings, by Ray C. Stedman, Waco Books, 1978

Remember-- I warned you that it was a little of the wall!! Maybe it will make some of you think and come up with a better interpretation than I was able to invent!! :)

Happy thinking!

Our Little Cupid!

Only in Nashvegas!!

Whew! The last week I have been really entangled in spiritual "deep thoughts".... It is actually hard for me to even explain the exact nature of my ramblings, but it lies somewhere along the lines of "loving others"--

Last weekend I was asked to sing at a Bethesda conference-- a workshop for those who work with and minister to people recovering from sexual abuse or addiction. I hadn't really thought much about it-- it was just another time to sing, which I love to do, plus I was going to be leading worship with Randy Gill my worship minister at Woodmont. We have done our youth group summer camp worship sessions for many years, and we always have such a good time together. He is so wonderful, especially when he leads with his guitar.

The first day, I confess, went ok-- nothing special. We were a little hurried and had barely run through the song list. Scott was staying home from work to keep Luke while I was gone, but he still had to jump in on a few conference calls-- I hoped Luke had gone back down for a nap... I left after the opening set and didn't even stay to listen to the speaker or to sing on the last song.

The next day I figured would be more of the same-- Did God have a way of surprising me!!!

During the opening session, Randy revealed to all of us some good news about his son Chris. This is a long story in and of itself-- going of for several years, but he had really been on my heart ever since the Fresno conference. I was blessed to catch up with Randy and his wife while we were there and had learned more about his latest condition. I was so moved to hear the glimmer of hope in his voice and I felt such joy for them. I ended up staying to listen to the speaker, Marnie Feree. She attends Woodmont, and she and her husband had actually been on PrimeTime Live or some show like that on ABC earlier last year which I had seen, so I knew a little bit about her story although I had never heard her speak in person before. She began to tell her tragic story but in such a strong, victorious way-- her mom died, a man befriended her and then took advantage of her vulnerability... this began a destructive cycle of sexual dysfunction in her life. I was moved again-- she is such a gifted speaker. Her theme was how God can bring redemption through pain and she used many examples from her on tale to illustrate.

I have obviously heard the same principles many times, but something about her story really caused me to stop and think-- many people must be hurting and suffering this way-- and I am completely oblivious to it.

Last month I actually was struck by the realization that I don't love others like I should. Since I am outgoing and a social type-- it has been easy for me to overlook this. I am realizing that superficial demonstrances of concern are not what the Kingdom is about.... saying "Hi" doesn't go a long way to really making a difference in people's lives.

I have always been good at "doing" things for people-- sweet e-mails or encouraging notes or surprise gifts... But that is also a way of avoiding the real task of establishing meaningful connections with others.

I stopped to think about why this was-- and I had to conclude that I was simply being selfish. I had started focusing on my needs-- and Luke's-- and I had forgotten how to be hospitable to others. I was good at the friendships I had already established-- with the people who I considered friends and "worthy of my time" and emotional investment... But, beyond that, I had sadly been lacking.

So--- This is a ongoing process of learning and growth that I hope God will lead me through. Scott and I have committed to opening our home each week to others besides our immediate circle of friends or small group.... We want to start reaching out to those we don't know well and who might need someone to be a listening ear or kind shoulder to lean on-- who need someone to be Jesus to them in the biggest way.

The more I ponder the topic of being hospitable, the more I am convinced that it is the very core of what it means to be a Christian. When Jesus was asked what the most important law was, he said, "Love God, Love others." I am starting to see that it is really that simple. In opening our hearts and becoming vulnerable to others we truly learn how to rely on Him, to have a deeper faith, and to see the world through more compassionate eyes.

The night before last, we had taken Luke to our favorite "meat-and-three" hangout for dinner. As we were coming in, Eddy Arnold was headed out. He stopped to talk with Luke and grabbed his stomach to see for himself how big and sturdy he was!!! Eddy was a huge star back in the 50's I think was his heyday-- I wouldn't have recognized him as anything but a sweet older gentleman, except when we sat down we noticed an old autographed album cover of him on the wall! Our waitress confirmed that he was one and the same and also shared that he had just been given a lifetime achievement award by the Grammy's-- he wasn't going to attend. She said he was also mentioned in the opening scenes of Ray, the movie about Ray Charles. What a fun encounter with someone who has surely lived an interesting and colorful life!! Only in Nashvegas!!

So-- on this Valentine's Day 2005, Scott and I will go out to our favorite fancy restaurant and celebrate our 13th Valentine's together! What a wonderful time it has been! I am so blessed to have a husband who encourages me in my wacky spiritual journey and who supports me and joins me in my crusade to be a more loving Christian to everyone I meet.

Thank you, Lord!!

Count it Pure Joy...

I couldn't sleep last night for the longest time-- thoughts were just racing around in my head.... One of the topics I began pondering as one can only do at 2:00 a.m. was the concept of pain-- or rather, endurance through pain.

I guess it had been on my mind because the last thing I did before bed was reply to an e-mail. One of my family members has recently gone through a divorce. There is much pain and hurt. My advice was to remember that there is hope on the other side of pain, so we should almost learn to embrace the pain, knowing that it will make us wiser and stronger once we make it to the other side. I started thinking about how the physical realm of life actually bears this out over and over.... This week my son turned one-- Oh, how I remember the pain this time last year that I felt when the first pangs of labor struck! At first I was completely taken aback by the force and intensity of it all, but I learned pretty quickly that if I stopped trying to fight it, I could control it instead of it controlling me... When I focused on breathing in deeply and relaxing, despite the hurt, it was much more bearable... and the reward on the other side?-- Well, he is priceless!

Really, at every stage of life and in the smallest details of my ordinary routine, this is proved to be true over and over again.... When I am working out and grimacing in pain and think I can't possible lift the weights one more time... I grit my teeth and keep going-- mind over matter-- and although I literally tear my muscles down each day, they rebuild and become even stronger. I like being sore when I get out of bed in the morning because I know that I really pushed myself the day before. Or-- the pain of conquering a fear of some type... it is so hard to get up the courage to follow through, but once it is over, there is such a sense of accomplishment-- like the time I was learning to ski and the slope I was trying to tackle might as well have been Mount Everest! I was freezing and in pain because of the many falls I had already endured. I have to laugh now, because that green slope is nothing compared to the black diamond runs I can easily maneuver now.

Luke is also showing me this each day-- One day he can't sit or roll over... he is so frustrated and defeated... soon he is crawling, standing and stepping! Today I took him for his 12-month check up and he had to get two shots. I think he was definitely in pain by the way he was screaming! Even as his mom who wants to shelter and protect him in every way, I have never really gotten upset, because I know that this pain I have allowed him to experience is for his own good-- and he won't remember it in the long run!

So-- this all sounds great in the wee hours of the morning in my half-conscious state.... But, when you get those e-mails about friends and loved ones who are in the midst of their drowning seas of pain... you hurt, too. A father and mother who are grieving over their prodigal son who is still wallowing in the pit of drugs and darkness; a husband who is grieving over his wife's physical ailments and struggles; a woman wounded from the betrayal of her husband and his complete abandonment of her-- all of these are at the top of my prayer list today.

It is much easier to celebrate with people on the other side of the "Refiner's Fire" than it is to know what to say or do when someone is crying out from their loneliness or grief.

I often worry myself-- that although I logically comprehend the process of pain-- that some lessons God ultimately teaches us can only be learned through the pain experience... I fear that when my next bout with pain occurs-- whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually-- that I won't be up to the challenge-- that I will let the pain blind me from the bigger picture of it all... plus, I don't really like to think about what would have to happen in my life to bring about such pain-- betrayal, abandonment, sickness, death....

God tells us that we should consider it joy when we experience those types of trials because they do lead us to the discipline and perseverance we need to maintain our faith. It is so much harder when the human parts of us are hurting and grieving. Yet, it is this very pain which reminds us that this world is not our home and creates the restless longing in our hearts and soul for something more-- something better beyond this life and this existence... an eternal life with Him.

Thank you, Father, for promising to bring good out of our pain and sorrows-- for reminding us that You will use these times to discipline and to shape us into more of whom You want us to be. I also thank You for bringing comfort and peace to us even in the midst of our suffering and pain, and I beg You to shower the ones I love who are in pain with Your grace and mercy today-- surround them with Your love and give them wisdom and knowledge to strengthen them so that they may endure.