25 Weeks and Counting!

The past few days have been rather tiring! Odd that I can actually get tired from sitting around all day doing next to nothing! Luke has been with us every day since Thanksgiving-- which really means that Scott has been mainly responsible for him along with trying to work from home. I know it must be very draining for him, but he hasn't complained once. He is being such a trooper through this entire ordeal.

Having Luke around is tiring for me, too, just because it wears on me that I cannot do anything with him like I used to. It is frustrating and sad, but at the same time, I love having him near me. I am thankful that he is still a tad too young to really have a concept of what is going on, but I know he realizes something is up with Mommy.

Today I was pondering how very strange it is all the silly day-to-day things I haven't been able to do for the last month. I haven't picked Luke up or changed his clothes or diapers. I haven't cooked a meal, swept a floor, folded/washed clothes, made a bed, gone to the Y to exercise-- all things which completely defined my world just a short while ago. It makes me long for the day when I will be able to resume all these tasks-- with joy and a renewed appreciation for my role around the house. I really miss the "normality" of it all. I hate feeling like I contribute nothing to the maintaining and running of the house. Like I already mentioned... Scott is a saint for picking up my slack along with all of his regular responsibilities, although I would have expected no less from him anyway. In the scheme of things, all of this temporary "sacrifice" on our parts is really minimal and trivial. Lord willing, once our little girl safely arrives, we'll be able to resume our lives again-- although having her here will automatically make things a ton more hectic-- not to mention the sleep deprivation we have to look forward to!-- But what a blessing even that will be!

I have a few projects lined up for the next couple of weeks. One is working on a smocked day gown for her. I was so excited to learn we were having a girl, because I had always wanted to learn how to smock. I wasn't convinced it was worth it for a boy, but was so eager to sign up for classes after we had our ultrasound! Obviously I wasn't actually able to make it to any of the classes due to the best rest. God has a way of sending you angels though, thus special thanks are due to Lana, our dear friend, who came over to teach me how to smock as well as also picking out material for me for the gown! She is the BEST! I will also start work on our 2005 Christmas newsletter. I really look forward to doing that each year. It is so nice to reflect back on all that has happened to our family during the past year and to see how much we have experienced and learned along the way.

Some things I am learning even now--- sacrifice is a crucial part of life along with self-denial. It teaches you to think outside yourself and to truly observe the world that is going on around you. I am learning that time is relative-- and very precious as well. The next month is critical for us and for our little girl's very survival, but for most, it will just be 4 weeks of chaos, shopping, parties, and routine which will pass in a blur. It all depends on your perspective and life circumstances. Externals tend to dictate the way we live our lives.

So- today we definitely have reason to celebrate since today I have safely reached 25 weeks of pregnancy! Each passing day means a better shot at life for our little one, and we feel very blessed! Thank you, Father! :)

In All Things Give Thanks

On this Thanksgiving, we have so many things for which to be thankful-- I don't even know where to start!

We give thanks for

• our little girl, who is still doing well and has made it to 24 weeks
• our incredible Luke, who is the most perfect son any parent could ask for-- he is such a joy to us-- so smart and sweet
• our marriage-- through the good and the bad, we remain best friends and genuinely appreciate the relationship that we have shared for 13 years
• our wonderful friends and family who lavish us with love and support
• our beautiful home that we are so blessed to have and to enjoy each day
• all the many blessings, big and small that God continues to send

It is good to pause and reflect on how fortunate and amazingly blessed we are. It is a day to refocus and "re-prioritize" and renew our spirits...

That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever. Psalm 30:12

May you all have a magnificent day of thanks with the ones you love and may you bask in the love that the Father has lavished upon us!

Good News!

We had a good report from the doctor today! The latest ultrasound showed that my cervix is now back to 2.5 cm! This is still on the short side, but much better than what it was when they first noticed it was short at 20 weeks when it measured 2 cm. He did a good job placing the cerclage, it seems to be holding well, and so far, I have had no complications from the surgery.

Yes, 2.5 cm is still short, but considering I was down to less than 1.5 cm at the time of my surgery, this is good news. Yeah, God!

I will remain on my modified bed rest, but they did say I can eat at the table and also encouraged me to walk around a bit more-- no prolonged standing, no lifting, etc. I will continue to play it safe over the next several weeks until I get to around 28 weeks-- no need to take any risks. They told me that it would also be ok to travel for Thanksgiving dinner with all my family!

The best news is that our little girl looks like she is doing great and looks perfectly healthy!

Baby Girl Westerman-- her head is to the right and she has her hand over her eyes!

We are so thankful for the good news, and we believe that all the prayers have sustained us to this point.

Blest Be the Ties...

I have posted before about our small group-- what a blessing they are to us. We usually switch up the hosting duties amongst us, but they are planning to meet at our house each week now, so that I can still participate from the couch! :) They all gathered around me tonight to lay hands on me and to pray over me and the baby. It was such a special moment for me.

Tough times can truly be a blessing. They remind you of how important relationships are and how much you need good friends, good family, and God to see you through the hard times. If you even have a circle of good friends and a supportive family, you are already blessed... and God is always with you!

It was so nice to hear Luke running around the house again this weekend. He is so wonderful and we love him so much. No matter what happens, we will still be blessed to have him.

I just feel so incredibly thankful tonight. I have no idea why I deserve to have such amazing people around me who continue to offer help and prayer. We literally have hundreds of people praying for our situation-- it is overwhelming, and I truly believe I have the peace that I have due to all those petitions on our behalf to the Father.

Luke Sweet Luke

Another good day today-- made especially great because Luke returned home!! I think he has aged at least 5 months in five days!!! He looks so much older than when I saw him last! Mom and Dad said he did great and didn't even cry once-- which is almost hard to believe.... They might be trying to make me feel better.

I am honestly shocked that this week has almost come to a close. It went by remarkably faster than I had anticipated, and I managed to maintain a positive attitude the entire time-- only by God's grace I am sure. I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now that Dr. M said that I might be able to minimize the bed rest at 28 weeks. That's only about a month from now. One month-- still sounds like an eternity from the couch, but it could definitely be worse, I'm sure. I just pray that our visit with the surgeon on Monday shows signs of improvement or at minimum that things haven't worsened.

Lessons I have learned this week? Good friends are priceless. Family is priceless. Knowing that people are praying for you-- priceless. Thanks to you all!

One Day at a Time

Good day today-- I think my body is starting to adjust to its new situation. It's hard to believe that not even a month ago I was making daily trips to the Y to do kickboxing, power sculpt, and spin classes! In one day's time, I went from intense hour-long workouts to sitting on a couch for 14 hours a day. I can't imagine what my system is thinking!

I wonder sometimes if all that exercise worsened my condition.... I worked out in a similar way throughout my pregnancy with Luke-- up until two weeks before he was born. I just had no idea that things would be any different this time around. Dr. M says that it probably had no impact... I'll never know, I guess.

I got a fun treat in the mail today! One of my best friends in the world who now lives in Texas sent me a book! SO nice to know she is thinking of me and giving me something to do to pass the time. I actually had people calling all day long to check on me-- offering food and help. Brandon also sent me a beautiful MP3 that he and Sheryl recorded last night at church of "He's Always Been Faithful" (Sara Groves). What a great song to remind me that God is at work in this stage of my life and that He has never let me down. It is so humbling and overwhelming to have such wonderful people to call "friends."

Luke has been gone 5 nights now-- this is the longest I have ever been away from him. God has given me a peace about it, thankfully. I know he is having fun, and it is hard on me when he is here because I can't do ANYTHING for him. I am also glad that he is so young that he won't remember any of this drama. I just pray he won't feel deprived in some way. It kills me that I can't pick him up. If I am blessed to carry this baby girl to term, then have a c-section, and then recover for 6-8 weeks-- I won't be able to pick Luke up until sometime in April!!! That is SO sad! By then he will probably be too big to carry anyway!!!! :(

They are bringing him back tomorrow! I am excited to see him! I pray he isn't too spoiled! :)

Parting is such SWEET sorrow!

Forgot to mention that I also learned yesterday that my kidneys are starting to show signs of not handling my sugar intake very well. This happened with Luke when I had my sugar test done at 28 weeks. Although I never tested positive for gestational diabetes, I was probably borderline. Dr. M said that since I was exercising throughout the pregnancy with Luke, I probably offset the condition.

Now that I am on the couch, immobile, this will be an issue for me this time more than likely. Dr. M told me that the diabetes rates for women on bed rest were much higher.... SO-- that means no more sugar for me!

This will be a challenge since I love cakes and all things chocolate! It at least made being on the couch a little easier to bear! Oh well-- yet another lesson in self control and sacrifice.

Praying for 2006

Went to our doctor today. Although she couldn't tell us that there's nothing to worry about... she did find a way to make me feel a little better about some things anyway. She said they still had no idea if my condition was due to an incompetent cervix or pre-term labor-- I am actually still a little vague on what the exact difference is! Then she went through some sobering facts on survival rates of babies born at certain points. If our little girl were to arrive any time within the next three weeks, her odds of living and/or surviving serious or long-term health issues would be next to none. At 26 weeks, things begin to look slightly better, but still not good. At 28 weeks things look even better, but the magic line is 30 weeks. This would put us right at the new year-- so we are continuing to pray that she doesn't come before 2006.

The encouraging bit-- she did say if things were still going well for me around week 28ish (mid-December), then maybe I could get off of the couch and resume some limited activity!!!! That would be so wonderful! So I am definitely hoping and praying for that!

She also said that she didn't want us to be discouraged about having future children-- that this was a manageable condition and that having a cerclage (the surgery I had on Thursday) much earlier- around 13 weeks-- would probably help. I just want to make it through this pregnancy first with a healthy little one before I can even think about the possibility of being pregnant again! I would feel completely blessed to have Luke and a sweet little girl.

We go to see the doctor who did my surgery on Monday, so I hope he will be able to give us more information on how things look at this point. In some rare cases the cervix will actually lengthen after the surgery, so we would be thrilled to learn that this had happened in my case!

We still feel so blessed to have so many friends and family checking in on us each day to make sure we are ok and to see if we need anything. It is truly overwhelming and we appreciate it SO SO much! THANK YOU! I also thank those of you out in blogland for all your kind words and prayers.

No matter what happens, God is good. He has always been so faithful to us.

My Countdown Clock!

Triage to Tornadoes

Today was rather uneventful compared to yesterday's scare. I felt fine-- no signs of contractions. In some weird way, I am thankful that we had yesterday's false alarm. I think it makes me feel better to know that I can have those kind of contractions and yet nothing has to be wrong necessarily. And, I now know what it is like to check into triage and what they will do to assess my situation-- not that I ever want to go back until she is full term-- Lord willing!!!!

Anyway-- we just feel so thankful that we had an ultrasound tech who was alert enough to notice that something was wrong with my cervix in the first place. From other stories we have heard (and that I have researched on the internet), most women never get the chance to prevent losing their babies... it just happens quickly and silently before than can react. No matter what happens now, at least we can have some sense of peace that we have done everything possible to give our little girl the best chance at life.

One of my dear ZOE friends Melissa came by today with her daughter to cheer me up and fix me lunch. It was such a treat to spend the day with her-- makes time pass so much more quickly! Another precious ZOE friend, JV, and his wife Liz are our neighbors now. She fixed us lasagna for dinner. Yum! We are just so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family who are on our side and willing to help in any way. We couldn't make it through this without them, although it is still hard for me to accept help. Scott tried to explain it to me-- that just like we long to help our friends in need whenever the need arises, that is what our friends are feeling now-- it's not right to keep them out, and we are so blessed in accepting their kindness and generosity. I am definitely learning lessons already from all of this.

So, Luke weathered the massive tornado scares in Henry County today in Pa Bob and Ma Betz' basement. I predicted last night that my worst nightmare would come true--- I always have recurring tornado dreams for some reason-- and I was sure that my parents would be in tornado alley since Luke was staying with them!-- and they were! Thankfully, the storms passed just to the north and south of their home and they are all fine. Luke didn't even want to leave the basement after the front had passed through! He is having fun and I don't think he even misses us or realizes that he is gone. It is most definitely harder on us than it is him-- he won't even remember any of this-- but I have a feeling he will be spoiled rotten after several weeks of being pampered and catered to! Oh well!!!

We go to my doctor tomorrow although I'm not really sure what she will be able to tell us. She might give us her thoughts on the notes she got on my surgery. As far as the bed rest goes, I doubt anything will change... Even though they have no real facts that support or prove that bed rest even helps, they pretty much have to recommend I stay put. If anything happened and they had said bed rest was optional, all of us would have regrets.... So... the couch will most likely be home my home for the foreseeable future.

I'll update tomorrow!

Better Safe Than...

This morning I woke up around 7:30 with some tightening in my stomach. Since I am already at such a "high risk" point in this pregnancy, I immediately started to think that something was wrong. One of the warning signs they had told me to watch for was contractions.

I tried to tell myself I was over-reacting, so I lay back down and decided to just monitor things for awhile. Scott had scheduled business meetings all day long and I hated to think about calling him to say that he was going to have to reschedule them... he was already making such sacrifices by working from home anyway-- I wanted him to be able to attend some meetings as usual for a change.

As I lay in bed in my completely quiet house (Luke is with my parents), I just talked to God. It is so hard to know what to pray for in this situation. Obviously we ask Him for healing and for a safe delivery for our little one. But, what if she does come too early? It is hard to admit, but I have told Him that if she is destined to be born early and forced to suffer for months in the NICU and fight physical challenges her entire life-- then, wouldn't it just be better for her to go ahead and join Him? Maybe I am just being selfish because I don't think that I could handle it...

At about 9:30 my stomach tightened up in a ball. I had experienced this many times toward the end of my pregnancy with Luke--- I was sure it was just the typical Braxton Hicks contractions... But-- now, nothing seems "typical" in this pregnancy, so I was worried.

I called my doctor and spoke to Jeannie my favorite nurse who has looked out for us some many times over the past several years. She said that if I was worried that I should just head into the triage center and have it checked out.

I am usually one to analyze and over-analyze any situation before acting... but now my first priority is to get our little girl as far as I can in this pregnancy before she decides to be born. I decided that it was worth going in. If it turned out to be nothing, then I would still feel better knowing than wishing that I had done something after the fact.

Scott just happened to call in the midst of my panic. He was adamant that we go to the hospital. So, he cancelled his meetings and came straight home.

We got to the hospital parking garage, said a prayer, and then headed in. All the triage rooms were full with women actually in full labor, so we had to wait. When we were finally taken to a room, it wasn't the typical triage room, but a large private birthing room. At this point I hadn't felt anything in over an hour.

She hooked me up to the monitors and asked me a million questions (the same ones I had been asked before my surgery on Thursday!). When she finally revealed the monitor, I could tell that the contraction line looked good-- I have gotten pretty good at reading those things at this point! Her heartbeat sounded and looked good as well. I began to breathe a sigh of relief.

After an hour and a half of monitoring later, they decided that it was a false alarm! :)

My doctor had come by to check on me and she confirmed that I was right to come on in. There is just no way to know and in my situation, I have to err on the side of caution.

So-- we are thrilled and relieved to no end that the outcome today was not more tragic. In my heart I feel like this is just yet another hurdle we will have to jump before we have our little one home safely... but... one day at a time.

Thanks for all the support, love, and encouragement! Scott and I feel the indescribable peace that we know comes from all the prayers being lifted up on our behalf.

We are blessed.

Luke is blissfully unaware of all the drama and is having the time of his life with Pa Bob and Ma Betz!

Luke sitting in Pa Bob's computer chair!

As I Lay Resting...

Much has happened over the last several weeks... When we went for our 20-week ultrasound, they noticed that my cervix was measuring short. No action was taken at the time; my doctor decided I should return in a week to see what things looked like then. A week later it looked pretty much the same, and she was encouraged.... But this past Monday, things looked worse-- my cervix had shortened again.

On Thursday, I had a cerclage done-- a surgery to hopefully prevent my cervix from shortening any further and hopefully keeping our little girl where she needs to be so that I can carry her close to full term.

Needless to say, all of this has caught us off guard and has been a little hard to grasp. I am now on bed rest for the foreseeable future, which is also going to be a major adjustment for all of us.

Scott has me hooked up now on a laptop so that I can stay in touch, and I am sure I will have more time than I ever dreamed to keep my blog up-to-date!

Keep us in your prayers! We are confident that God is in control, and that His will will be done.

Much more soon from the couch!