Chapter 13-- My Two Prince Charmings

Scott flew out to Denver Monday morning, so Luke and I have had some serious bonding time the past two days-- even more than usual! Thankfully, Scott doesn't have to travel very much anymore-- just a few days a month, which is nothing compared to how it used to be during the early years of our marriage. Scott's first job after college was as a business consultant for Arthur Andersen. He would be assigned to jobs that would necessitate him being gone for weeks and even months at a time. It was never so bad though, because I always had my summers off, so if he were out of town then I would just go with him. One summer (our third anniversary) he was working on a big project in Atlanta. He had an apartment there, so we spent the entire summer in Norcross. It was fun going to the Braves games! I also was a young, hard-working, idealistic English teacher who had TONS of papers to grade each night, so him being on the road was sometimes a blessing-- I could get work done! I also loved spending time planning fun activities for the girl students in my Bible classes so that I could get to know them better. They were often fun company when he was away.

He moved on to better things in his career, and he is no longer farmed out to projects here, there, and yon. But, when he is away now, it reminds me of how far we have come. Now when he is gone I don't have anyone to hand Luke off to at night so that I can have a break! Also, I remember how excited I used to get when he was coming home back in the early days-- the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder bit.... Now it is so much more business-like-- "How long will you be gone? When will you be back? " It makes me sad that some of that "newlywed-ness" has faded a bit. I used to swear that would never happen to us, but having a baby really changes things!

Please don't get me wrong-- I love Scott now more than I ever have. It is so neat after 12 years together to see him through new eyes as a father to Luke. I guess it has just been a harder transition than I thought it would be going from two to three-- and I really don't know how to describe it except that things are obviously different....

Pre-Luke, Scott and I had the luxury of being selfish about each other. We could spend all the time in the world we wanted to together-- and never got tired of each other! We could stay up late and watch TV and sleep in late on Saturdays. We could go to Kroger at 2:00 a.m. if we wanted! We could travel anywhere anytime and never think twice about it-- and we did! We could talk and talk and talk and just enjoy each other's company.

Things are starting to return back to normal now that Luke has grown. We get plenty of sleep and can still watch the late show together. But, in many ways, life for the two of us will never be the same because life is no longer just about the two of us. It is figuring out how to balance the wonderful world of Luke, while still maintaining a great relationship with my best friend that I find challenging. Now we end up talking about Luke all the time-- he sat on his own without tipping over; he can pick up the smallest things with his fingers; he laughed and laughed when I made the "buzz" sound for him; he nodded his head back and forth, etc.-- Luke is just so miraculous and fun that we can't help but make him the center of our attention right now-- and we should-- but that also means our main priority and focus has shifted off of us and our relationship.

We are aware of this. We realize that as important as Luke is, our relationship is more important. The best thing we can ever give to him is a secure, loving home. I want him to grow up knowing without a doubt that we love each other and that we are always going to be there for him together, as a team.

One day, Luke (and any future brothers or sisters?!) will walk out our door into the world to begin his own life. And even after he is gone, we will still have each other. I don't want to look over at Scott when that door closes and realize then that I no longer know him because we have focused so much on the kids that we lost sight of each other. I am sure that is hard to do. Life and all its busy-ness has a way of sucking us in without us ever realizing that we are living in a blur on fast forward.

I am also learning for the first time that marriage is work-- I always used to laugh at that before because being married to Scott never seemed like "work" to me. I loved every minute of it-- he was my best friend! How could that be work? But now I am realizing that you can't always assume that the tide will never change and that it is always smooth sailing. Now I am starting to see that if we want to keep our marriage wonderful, we are going to have to work to insure that all those things we used to take for granted still get done. I will now have to put "hugging and kissing my husband when he walks in the door from work" on my to do list instead of handing Luke over with a "He's all yours-- and his diaper needs to be changed." I will now have to add to my agenda "Tell Scott you are proud of him and thank him for being such a wonderful husband and dad" rather than remind him that the grass needs to be cut and the recycle bin moved out to the curb. We will have to make the time to share our dreams and thoughts and visions with each other instead of deciding that there will be time later to catch up. We will have to work to have a "date" night each week, realizing that although we love taking Luke with us everywhere that there is great benefit in spending some quality time alone without him-- not to mention a line of family and friends a mile long who want to babysit!

So, marriage is a continually unfolding novel with plotlines that are constantly changing and surprises awaiting us around every bend. It was indeed the fairytale for the first twelve chapters-- and I loved each second. But, chapter 13 has had its moments, too, and seems to be turning into more of an action-adventure than Cinderella story! But, now instead of one Prince Charming, I have two! Even Cinderella wasn't that lucky!