It Only Takes a Spark... to Keep a Small Group Going

Just returned from an overnight camping trip at Natchez Trace State Park with our small group.... We decided to drop Luke off at my parents in Paris, which is on the way. This was the first night that I had ever been away from him. Everyone asked me how I was doing and if I was ok, but honestly I didn't worry about him for one second. I knew he would be just fine with my parents. We didn't get to the camp sites until 8:00, but we didn't end up missing out on anything.

Our group is a pretty diverse bunch. We formed the group almost three years ago. Then, none of us had any kids-- Now, 5 out of the 7 couples have kids! Boy how time changes things! The age range in our group is roughly 27-40 but most are in their late 20's. I am probably the most extroverted of the group, and I feel like I talk too much at times, but that's just who I am. I feel like I do a good job of listening, too-- so, I guess that might make up for it in some way! We have an engineer, a med-student, a lawyer, a contractor, a business executive, a male nurse, a financial planner, a salesperson, an insurance person and now 5 stay-at-home moms. And although that sounds like a pretty conservative and predictable group, it really isn't. We have a broad range of ideas and perceptions on Christianity, politics, and life in general.

We wanted to use the camp-out as a time to discuss the direction of the group-- how things were going, talk about changes that might need to be made in study material and leadership, be honest about our feelings, etc. We ended up talking until 2:00 a.m. overall, it was a good time of sharing and getting everything out on the table. Our basic problem is getting each one of us to commit 100% to the group. This means making the effort not just to attend each week and be prepared to discuss-- (we do a pretty good job of that already), but also to put in the time outside the group in order to build on the relationships/friendships.

For me personally it meant-- to agree to make this group a top priority regardless of how busy I am or how involved in other activities I am. It has been easy for me to have my spiritual needs met in many other places apart from the couples in our small group. That is great for me in many ways, but it isn't really fair to the people who are in the small group. I don't really need to keep the "one foot in the group and one foot out" attitude anymore-- I need to recommit. And by that, I think the thing I need to work on most is the friendships with the girls in the group. I am older than all of them, and I have such a different personality and outlook on life than most of them-- I think I feel like an oddball at times-- a "spiritual nerd" of sorts if that makes sense-- and I have used that as an excuse not to pursue deeper relationships with them because I have told myself that they aren't interested. I can't continue to do that, and I have to get over any baggage that I have about whether I "fit in" or can completely relate to them or feel comfortable showing them the real me. I need to realize that I don't have to be just like any of them or have to agree with them-- I can just be myself-- They will still love me-- with all my flaws! I need to better appreciate the value of having close friends who are really NOTHING like me-- what great things I can learn from them and what great lessons they can help me learn about myself.

Isn't it funny that you think you leave all those types of insecurities and hang-ups behind you when you leave high school and graduate from college-- but really you spend your entire life wanting to be loved, accepted, and to feel important to people. (You would think that after teaching and working with high school kids for 11 years I would have recognized how silly all my paranoias were....) We look around and assume that everyone else has it together and has a perfect life-- then we beat ourselves up because we don't. We don't cook as well, or read as many books, or have as many friends, or have as clean a house-- But, the truth is no one has it together--well, maybe a few-- but on the whole, we are all messed up and searching for real relationships with other Christians. What is it with our generation? We are all SO busy doing things that we think are bringing fulfillment and joy to our lives, and we are constantly on the go-- yet at the end of the day we feel empty, like we have no real connections with anyone!?!

I remember my parents always being busy with church stuff and involved with couples from our church, but I don't think I ever saw them struggling with trying to develop those deep, meaningful relationships with them. It just seemed to happen. Are we all just too busy now and too self-absorbed? Do we want to avoid being vulnerable, or are we just too exhausted to devote the time and energy into making those relationships happen?

It still amazing to me how hard it is to strike just the right balance in a small group setting. You want to have meaningful Bible study, but you also want to have meaningful times of sharing about the day-to-day struggles we each face. And getting people to be really honest and willing to share doesn't happen easily. Even though we have been together for awhile, there is still some resistance that is hard to even articulate-- but, I think we are making good progress. We have had several times where I think we all felt a special connection to each other, and I really think we all want to continue to build on that.

I am probably over-analyzing the whole situation. Most of us have very young children and life is busy... I am hoping that with the ever-changing stages of life that we will discover the importance of these spiritual relationships even more than we already do and find the desire and the time to pursue them more enthusiastically. We are very familiar with each other on a social level-- now we just need to slowly dig deeper into the truly important faith matters of life. It will happen-- we just need to be patient and enjoy the journey together. This is all just a part of the growth process.... I really do love all of the couples in the group. I need them in my life, and I believe God definitely had His hand in the formation of the group from the very beginning.