No Tears, No Tears Up There

I have been leading worship on Tuesday mornings for our Ladies' Bible Study. We are looking at "contentment"-- the whole "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" from Philippians 4:11.

We started out looking at our need to be happy and how we often try to find contentment in other things rather than God-- the only One who can truly satisfy. Then last week we were called to focus on heaven-- to realize that we will always be "restless" in this world, because the eternity that God has placed in our hearts knows that this world is not our home. I have been very blessed by the study so far.

Well- this past week I have been put to the test! On Thursday, I started feeling sickly, but-- as all moms do-- you just keep going and make it work. I took Luke to school, then Caroline and I went to get my haircut, bought me some new luggage for my birthday, washed clothes, then we picked Luke up, we came home-- packed both of their suitcases and then I drove them to Paris so that they could spend the weekend with my parents.

We had a ZOE conference in Fresno and we were flying out early on Friday not to return until late Sunday. Scott was leaving to go to Florida on business, so I was thankful to my parents for keeping the kids.

When I got back to Nashville around 7 Friday night, I was feeling ok-- and I still had a few errands to run and packing of my own to do.

Somewhere around midnight I went to bed. Around 4 a.m. I woke up with chills and a fever of 102! I was SICK! I had to immediately decide on what to do about the ZOE trip. Karin was coming to my house at 6 and then we were picking up Jason. So I needed to decide so that they could make other arrangements-- not to mention my plane ticket-- and who would be the other last minute alto replacement. I felt horrible-- from the illness and from feeling like I was letting people down.

There just didn't seem like any way possible I could go. I didn't know what I had, but with that temperature, I felt I could be contagious, and I didn't want to risk making others sick. And, I honestly have a pretty high pain threshold, but I just doubted that I could "tough it out" on this one-- it had hit me hard.

So, I called Karin to let her know. I hated to leave her alone on the trip! She understood, of course. Then I emailed Eric about the flight and Brandon to let him know. I knew they could use Lindsey (Peter's wife) as my sub and she would do great.

Then, back to bed. I felt rough.

Friday was a rough day-- my temp hovered around 103 on and off and I spent the day swinging from extreme chills to extreme hot from the fever. By that night, I had given up on acetaminophen and switched to ibuprofen. That seemed to work, and by bed time, my fever had come down to 99. I felt SO much better and got a good night's sleep. I woke up Saturday feeling pretty good. Scott left to run errands to get ready for his trip, and then my fever started to climb. I took more ibuprofen, but two hours later, my temp was back up at 103. I called Scott and said I probably needed to go to the walk in clinic (since our doctor's office wasn't open on Saturday).

So, TMALSS-- I spent my birthday in a walk-in clinic finding out I had the flu. And, that there was pretty much nothing I could do but tough it out and keep taking ibuprofen!

And, through all of this-- it hit me that this was a REAL opportunity to put my "contentment" to the test. First, could I not grieve over the fact that ZOE was in Fresno praising God, eating amazing food, and spending to with dear friends without me!?!? Could I be thankful even when I just wanted to curl up on the bathroom floor and never move again? And... I found that I could!!! I was able to repeat over and over again "I have learned to be content in every circumstance!" Praise God!

Now-- don't misunderstand! I am NOT equating my meager bout with the flu to the sufferings of the disciples, etc. But, I am learning something through all of this. It made me think about so many things... Pain and sickness really have a way of changing your reality. You see things so much differently-- you start to long for the eternal where there will be no more tears or sorrow or pain. It also hit me over and over again about how Marcy felt a thousand times worse than me, and I just couldn't imagine what she went through with her two boys there. And, that like Mark said, she really was free now and in a better place.

The pain we experience here just reminds us that our citizenship is in heaven anyway, and it reminds us that we really want to be there with Him one day.

So- perhaps Satan was having a little fun with me and wanted to test out my belief in God's ability to satisfy-- or maybe I just touched some flu-contaminated door handle in passing! Who knows! But, as BAD as I have felt for three days. I am thankful that God has taught me from this pain and I hope it will be a lesson I won't soon forget-- along with ALWAYS get your flu shot!!!