Happy 10th anniversary to us! In front of the Atlantis hotel in the Bahamas.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
This Pop Quiz We Call Life
Scott and I returned Monday night from our tenth anniversary getaway. The hotel was great-- the aquarium displays were truly amazing-- food was REALLY expensive though.
June is the beginning of the rainy season there, and it did rain quite a bit in the afternoons, but there was still enough sun for us both to get sufficiently burned our first day out. The beach was just the best! The water was crystal clear and tropical fish were everywhere swimming right by us-- no need for a snorkel!
The best part of the trip was the time we had to reconnect-- to talk about our marriage and to set goals for the future. Like I have discussed many times before-- it is so easy to fall into the "roommate" trap as a couple-- which is the point where your relationship becomes all about the facts and practical aspects of life and less about the passion and purpose that keeps you together. We agreed that we should cut each other some slack since having a child definitely has an effect on the overall relationship-- especially in the beginning. We are glad that we are able to discuss things openly and that we realize we need to be aware of how important our marriage is. So-- weekend getaways are a very good thing! Thanks to my Mom and Dad for watching Luke for us!
Luke was very happy to see us return! It is crazy to me how he looks so much older than he did just a mere 5 days earlier when I dropped him off! He is definitely a little "spoiled" after being with the grandparents. Maybe spoiled isn't the right word, but he is just "whinny"-- he doesn't like being told "no" and he wants to be the center of attention. Hopefully he will fall back into his old self soon and start sleeping until 8 am again-- for some reason he started getting up an hour or so earlier while we were gone.
As far my return to the real world-- there is much going on at church with our Sunday school class-- some good, some bad. It amazes me how adults can always so easily revert back to a state of "high school drama"-- (I include myself in that category). I have continued to be struck by how very differently people can view the world even though you would think we are all looking out the same window. Not a chance! Some people see a vast frontier yet to be conquered, some see a desert wasteland not worth pursuing, some look past the sand and see an oasis, some can't see anything because they can't stop focusing on the patterns on the curtains!! My problem is that I can't seem to determine which category I fall into on this one! I fear that I am ready to jump out of the window or at least I want to shut it and pray for God to point me to the door-- or at least another window!!!
One thought has struck me-- why are some so desperate to find a formula for faith? It seems like so many of us are more than ready to follow blindly anyone who makes spiritual sense and seems to have a faith of their own. Do we think that we can share in that faith if we become "good students of the teacher" and start to think the same way and hold to the same views? It's like we want someone to say, "Here is how you find God and a real relationship with Him in three easy steps." Sign me up! I like to follow directions and be involved with something where I can see real, tangible results-- and I can measure my progress-- and yours-- along the way. Somehow, I think Jesus came to show us that there are no formulas, only the form of a cross. Lord, please help me to open my eyes to how easily I have let this happen in my own life. Help me to mature in my own walk and to put my trust in you alone-- not in any person or Bible study.
Another side to all of this is how desperate we have become to find "community" in a world that has become increasingly more isolated. Few dare to venture outside their homes except to take out the trash or mow the lawn. We rely on our internet, TV, and the pizza delivery man! We don't have the time to cultivate meaningful relationships with others-- we are always trying to recover from the rush and hassles of our own lives, so when we have a few moments of unspoken for time, we want to retreat into our homes and enjoy the silence and seclusion. So, when we do manage to drag ourselves to church on Sunday, we expect the people there to be our "community" and to make up for all that we have been missing the other six days of our isolated week. We soon find that a few hours on Sunday is a hard way to develop those deep ties-- we soon find that the church is so large that no one really notices if we show up or not (and we can always watch the sermon online anyway!). We begin to wonder why we don't fit in and why we don't belong, why we aren't needed, and why everyone else seems to have their lives together except us, and we get angry and frustrated that we can't figure out how to obtain that community that seems to be out of our reach..... Church becomes more of a country club with cliques and rules and social hierarchies..... and some decide that they no longer see the benefit of paying their weekly dues-- and really, the church down the street seems to have a better atmosphere and perks as of late anyway.
How did Jesus define "church"?
Yikes! Didn't mean to ramble on! It's late. Scott's in Denver, and I have more questions than answers lately! Such is life! One stage after another where you continue to realize that just when you think you might have started to answer the question, you realize the question has changed, you are living in a "post" something or another world, and that you have NO idea why you ever thought you had the slightest inkling of knowledge on that subject or any other one for that matter!!! :)
That is when you have to slow down (stop typing!), take a deep breath, and remind yourself that Jesus is THE only Answer needed for this pop quiz we call "life."
June is the beginning of the rainy season there, and it did rain quite a bit in the afternoons, but there was still enough sun for us both to get sufficiently burned our first day out. The beach was just the best! The water was crystal clear and tropical fish were everywhere swimming right by us-- no need for a snorkel!
The best part of the trip was the time we had to reconnect-- to talk about our marriage and to set goals for the future. Like I have discussed many times before-- it is so easy to fall into the "roommate" trap as a couple-- which is the point where your relationship becomes all about the facts and practical aspects of life and less about the passion and purpose that keeps you together. We agreed that we should cut each other some slack since having a child definitely has an effect on the overall relationship-- especially in the beginning. We are glad that we are able to discuss things openly and that we realize we need to be aware of how important our marriage is. So-- weekend getaways are a very good thing! Thanks to my Mom and Dad for watching Luke for us!
Luke was very happy to see us return! It is crazy to me how he looks so much older than he did just a mere 5 days earlier when I dropped him off! He is definitely a little "spoiled" after being with the grandparents. Maybe spoiled isn't the right word, but he is just "whinny"-- he doesn't like being told "no" and he wants to be the center of attention. Hopefully he will fall back into his old self soon and start sleeping until 8 am again-- for some reason he started getting up an hour or so earlier while we were gone.
As far my return to the real world-- there is much going on at church with our Sunday school class-- some good, some bad. It amazes me how adults can always so easily revert back to a state of "high school drama"-- (I include myself in that category). I have continued to be struck by how very differently people can view the world even though you would think we are all looking out the same window. Not a chance! Some people see a vast frontier yet to be conquered, some see a desert wasteland not worth pursuing, some look past the sand and see an oasis, some can't see anything because they can't stop focusing on the patterns on the curtains!! My problem is that I can't seem to determine which category I fall into on this one! I fear that I am ready to jump out of the window or at least I want to shut it and pray for God to point me to the door-- or at least another window!!!
One thought has struck me-- why are some so desperate to find a formula for faith? It seems like so many of us are more than ready to follow blindly anyone who makes spiritual sense and seems to have a faith of their own. Do we think that we can share in that faith if we become "good students of the teacher" and start to think the same way and hold to the same views? It's like we want someone to say, "Here is how you find God and a real relationship with Him in three easy steps." Sign me up! I like to follow directions and be involved with something where I can see real, tangible results-- and I can measure my progress-- and yours-- along the way. Somehow, I think Jesus came to show us that there are no formulas, only the form of a cross. Lord, please help me to open my eyes to how easily I have let this happen in my own life. Help me to mature in my own walk and to put my trust in you alone-- not in any person or Bible study.
Another side to all of this is how desperate we have become to find "community" in a world that has become increasingly more isolated. Few dare to venture outside their homes except to take out the trash or mow the lawn. We rely on our internet, TV, and the pizza delivery man! We don't have the time to cultivate meaningful relationships with others-- we are always trying to recover from the rush and hassles of our own lives, so when we have a few moments of unspoken for time, we want to retreat into our homes and enjoy the silence and seclusion. So, when we do manage to drag ourselves to church on Sunday, we expect the people there to be our "community" and to make up for all that we have been missing the other six days of our isolated week. We soon find that a few hours on Sunday is a hard way to develop those deep ties-- we soon find that the church is so large that no one really notices if we show up or not (and we can always watch the sermon online anyway!). We begin to wonder why we don't fit in and why we don't belong, why we aren't needed, and why everyone else seems to have their lives together except us, and we get angry and frustrated that we can't figure out how to obtain that community that seems to be out of our reach..... Church becomes more of a country club with cliques and rules and social hierarchies..... and some decide that they no longer see the benefit of paying their weekly dues-- and really, the church down the street seems to have a better atmosphere and perks as of late anyway.
How did Jesus define "church"?
Yikes! Didn't mean to ramble on! It's late. Scott's in Denver, and I have more questions than answers lately! Such is life! One stage after another where you continue to realize that just when you think you might have started to answer the question, you realize the question has changed, you are living in a "post" something or another world, and that you have NO idea why you ever thought you had the slightest inkling of knowledge on that subject or any other one for that matter!!! :)
That is when you have to slow down (stop typing!), take a deep breath, and remind yourself that Jesus is THE only Answer needed for this pop quiz we call "life."
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Lightning never strikes twice-- but 10 times!
Scott and I celebrated our 10th anniversary on Friday! I can't believe it! TEN YEARS!
Scott brought me flowers and surprised me with a diamond cross necklace! Very pretty! Then, we went to Fleming's for a nice romantic dinner! We are also headed to the Bahamas this Friday for an amazing getaway to the Atlantis resort! It will be a second honeymoon of sorts! We are VERY excited about this trip together to think back over our last 13 years together. (3 dating!)
Who can sum up 10 years in a few words? Thought I would share from the journal entry I wrote on June 9, 1995-- the night before our wedding.
----------
Finally, the night I have been waiting for is here! Actually, it's almost come and gone! I wasn't nervous at all today except for a few brief moments on the way to the church for the rehearsal dinner.... Scott and I didn't get to talk much. You're just too busy to think! I am glad that I am writing about how I'm feeling the night before our wedding! I'm pretty calm and very tired! I hope to get some good sleep tonight- everything is going so fast! It seems like chaos to me, but I guess it's normal!
This is my very last night as "Amy Anderson"-- I wonder what Scott is doing tonight at this moment?.... On the way home from the rehearsal dinner tonight, the sky was filled with lightning over the lake. It was very beautiful. Scott loves lightning. I think that it is very special that it happened tonight, because the first time Scott told me that he loved me, lightning had just struck, and I said, "I love lightning" and then Scott said, "I love you." I was so happy to hear those words because I knew I loved him, too! That was about a month and a half after we started dating! God truly brought us together! I can't wait to take his name tomorrow and start a new life with him! Lord, thank You for this beautifully hectic time!
----------
The past 10 years with him have been truly blessed! I can't imagine having a better husband or father to our son, Luke. I am looking forward to the next ten years with my best friend!
Scott brought me flowers and surprised me with a diamond cross necklace! Very pretty! Then, we went to Fleming's for a nice romantic dinner! We are also headed to the Bahamas this Friday for an amazing getaway to the Atlantis resort! It will be a second honeymoon of sorts! We are VERY excited about this trip together to think back over our last 13 years together. (3 dating!)
Who can sum up 10 years in a few words? Thought I would share from the journal entry I wrote on June 9, 1995-- the night before our wedding.
----------
Finally, the night I have been waiting for is here! Actually, it's almost come and gone! I wasn't nervous at all today except for a few brief moments on the way to the church for the rehearsal dinner.... Scott and I didn't get to talk much. You're just too busy to think! I am glad that I am writing about how I'm feeling the night before our wedding! I'm pretty calm and very tired! I hope to get some good sleep tonight- everything is going so fast! It seems like chaos to me, but I guess it's normal!
This is my very last night as "Amy Anderson"-- I wonder what Scott is doing tonight at this moment?.... On the way home from the rehearsal dinner tonight, the sky was filled with lightning over the lake. It was very beautiful. Scott loves lightning. I think that it is very special that it happened tonight, because the first time Scott told me that he loved me, lightning had just struck, and I said, "I love lightning" and then Scott said, "I love you." I was so happy to hear those words because I knew I loved him, too! That was about a month and a half after we started dating! God truly brought us together! I can't wait to take his name tomorrow and start a new life with him! Lord, thank You for this beautifully hectic time!
----------
The past 10 years with him have been truly blessed! I can't imagine having a better husband or father to our son, Luke. I am looking forward to the next ten years with my best friend!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
My Babble and the Flip Side of Babel
Well-- it is almost midnight, and I should have gone to bed a LONG time ago. It is hard to keep a normal schedule when Scott is out of town. I always end up staying up late for some reason.
Having Scott gone makes for LONG days, too. Luke is still a dream-- so fun to be with, but I never underestimate how great it is when "Daddy" comes walking through the door at night. It is just nice to be able to sit back and watch him interact with Luke, or change a diaper, or feed him, or give him a bath. It lets me focus on other things and allows me to have a more objective perspective on things. Scott really is an AMAZING dad. Luke and I are blessed.
Once again I find myself struggling with my spiritual journey. I have finally begun to acknowledge that I am running on empty. I have been so busy lately that it has taken awhile for me to finally see that I have overdrawn on my "faith account" because I have not been making any deposits! I am the classic example of someone who can get so caught up in the "doing" that I can completely forget about the "being"-- as long as I'm "doing" churchy things, then I must be deepening my walk. This is simply a lie.
Tonight I was blessed to hear something that I needed to hear... Thanks, God, for speaking to me through the message of a godly woman. She reminded me of a very important thing....
I have been wondering what my purpose was as far as how God wanted to use me or what He wanted me to do in life. Surely there had to be more than being a stay-at-home mom living in isolated domestic bliss! What do you want from me, Lord?! Tell me! Tell me!
He did tell me-- and all of us:
Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent." John 6:29
It is so simple that it is profound! God wants me to stop trying to chart out the future and to focus on Jesus only-- BELIEVE! I had been trying to put the proverbial cart before the horse. For some reason, I had fooled myself into thinking that I was fulfilling the will of God by "doing" instead of allowing my heart to be totally taken with believing in Him, and trusting that He would lead me where He wanted me to be in His own time. It is only in first believing in Him, and being changed by all that encompasses, that we are even able to begin to comprehend what He might have in store for us. It is also the overwhelming nature of our belief and our faith which motivates us to do those works that "He has prepared us in advance to do." It has to be in that order-- or our motivations are not pure. I had lost sight of that.... I pray that I will be more aware of it-- my tendencies to focus on the spiritual "externals" instead of the internals.
I also feel like I have had a minor break through in my thinking on the Holy Spirit. I have always been stumped by the concept of Him. How does He work in our lives today? Am I truly living a life in the Spirit-- by His power? If not, why?..... Anyway, I have also been in many late night talks about why He seems to have worked differently amongst the disciples in the first century than He does today-- at least, if He still does, I have never witnessed it firsthand-- although I have heard many reports-- even from within my own family. I have never seen someone healed on the spot, raised from the dead, or seen someone prophecy.
So-- I have been reading a book that mentioned that throughout Scripture God would pour out His Spirit on people for a specific time or task-- like Gideon, Samson, David, Elijah, Elisha-- He allowed them to participate in miracles that demonstrated His power to a lost world. Then, when Jesus came and died, we were able to access the Spirit once and for all time-- He came to dwell in us. I had never thought about John 20:22 before-- when a resurrected Christ returns to reveal himself to a sad, defeated bunch of His terrified disciples:
And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit."
Is this the first sign of the new indwelling Spirit-- the Comforter that Christ had promised?! It is all so deep for me to ponder, but-- at least I have had some new thoughts on it.
It is the Spirit who allows us to move beyond the "doing" and to truly live in the power of "being" what God has called us to be!
I also have to pass on this tidbit that I picked up from John York at church on Sunday-- I had NEVER EVER thought of this before!! (Excuse my poor attempt to summarize your sermon, John!) He had proposed that for all of time, humans have sought to differentiate themselves from each other-- Cain and Able, Northside Church of Christ and First Baptist Church, etc. He said that the Tower of Babel is the perfect example of that differentiation. They were arrogantly trying to establish themselves as on par with God, and He chose to show them that they were sadly mistaken. BUT-- when God's perfect plan of reconciliation began to further unfold at Pentecost, there was a complete reversal.... Now instead of many languages and confusion, there was one message of truth understood by all! Pentecost was the flip side of the Babel coin! God's perfect timing and plan revealed! Or, as the man I was sitting next to exclaimed, "The Tower of Babel was all about the mouth-- Pentecost was all about the ears!" Neat thoughts! Ponder that for awhile! Thanks, John!
Well-- thanks for reading my midnight thoughts! I must sleep! :)
Having Scott gone makes for LONG days, too. Luke is still a dream-- so fun to be with, but I never underestimate how great it is when "Daddy" comes walking through the door at night. It is just nice to be able to sit back and watch him interact with Luke, or change a diaper, or feed him, or give him a bath. It lets me focus on other things and allows me to have a more objective perspective on things. Scott really is an AMAZING dad. Luke and I are blessed.
Once again I find myself struggling with my spiritual journey. I have finally begun to acknowledge that I am running on empty. I have been so busy lately that it has taken awhile for me to finally see that I have overdrawn on my "faith account" because I have not been making any deposits! I am the classic example of someone who can get so caught up in the "doing" that I can completely forget about the "being"-- as long as I'm "doing" churchy things, then I must be deepening my walk. This is simply a lie.
Tonight I was blessed to hear something that I needed to hear... Thanks, God, for speaking to me through the message of a godly woman. She reminded me of a very important thing....
I have been wondering what my purpose was as far as how God wanted to use me or what He wanted me to do in life. Surely there had to be more than being a stay-at-home mom living in isolated domestic bliss! What do you want from me, Lord?! Tell me! Tell me!
He did tell me-- and all of us:
Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent." John 6:29
It is so simple that it is profound! God wants me to stop trying to chart out the future and to focus on Jesus only-- BELIEVE! I had been trying to put the proverbial cart before the horse. For some reason, I had fooled myself into thinking that I was fulfilling the will of God by "doing" instead of allowing my heart to be totally taken with believing in Him, and trusting that He would lead me where He wanted me to be in His own time. It is only in first believing in Him, and being changed by all that encompasses, that we are even able to begin to comprehend what He might have in store for us. It is also the overwhelming nature of our belief and our faith which motivates us to do those works that "He has prepared us in advance to do." It has to be in that order-- or our motivations are not pure. I had lost sight of that.... I pray that I will be more aware of it-- my tendencies to focus on the spiritual "externals" instead of the internals.
I also feel like I have had a minor break through in my thinking on the Holy Spirit. I have always been stumped by the concept of Him. How does He work in our lives today? Am I truly living a life in the Spirit-- by His power? If not, why?..... Anyway, I have also been in many late night talks about why He seems to have worked differently amongst the disciples in the first century than He does today-- at least, if He still does, I have never witnessed it firsthand-- although I have heard many reports-- even from within my own family. I have never seen someone healed on the spot, raised from the dead, or seen someone prophecy.
So-- I have been reading a book that mentioned that throughout Scripture God would pour out His Spirit on people for a specific time or task-- like Gideon, Samson, David, Elijah, Elisha-- He allowed them to participate in miracles that demonstrated His power to a lost world. Then, when Jesus came and died, we were able to access the Spirit once and for all time-- He came to dwell in us. I had never thought about John 20:22 before-- when a resurrected Christ returns to reveal himself to a sad, defeated bunch of His terrified disciples:
And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit."
Is this the first sign of the new indwelling Spirit-- the Comforter that Christ had promised?! It is all so deep for me to ponder, but-- at least I have had some new thoughts on it.
It is the Spirit who allows us to move beyond the "doing" and to truly live in the power of "being" what God has called us to be!
I also have to pass on this tidbit that I picked up from John York at church on Sunday-- I had NEVER EVER thought of this before!! (Excuse my poor attempt to summarize your sermon, John!) He had proposed that for all of time, humans have sought to differentiate themselves from each other-- Cain and Able, Northside Church of Christ and First Baptist Church, etc. He said that the Tower of Babel is the perfect example of that differentiation. They were arrogantly trying to establish themselves as on par with God, and He chose to show them that they were sadly mistaken. BUT-- when God's perfect plan of reconciliation began to further unfold at Pentecost, there was a complete reversal.... Now instead of many languages and confusion, there was one message of truth understood by all! Pentecost was the flip side of the Babel coin! God's perfect timing and plan revealed! Or, as the man I was sitting next to exclaimed, "The Tower of Babel was all about the mouth-- Pentecost was all about the ears!" Neat thoughts! Ponder that for awhile! Thanks, John!
Well-- thanks for reading my midnight thoughts! I must sleep! :)
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