My Spiritual Marathon

Now that the holiday season is in full swing, it is hard to find as much free time as I would like each day to sit down and blog--- There is much to do!

Luke is 10 months-old today! It is an absolute miracle to look back upon his first ten months of life. He has grown so much and has developed such a fun, sweet, and inquisitive personality. He is trying very hard to stand on his own, and I wouldn't doubt that he will figure out the walking thing soon. He will be such a fun age for Christmas this year!

As for my life... I still feel like there are things I should be doing that I'm not-- I just can't identify what that is.... But, the things I KNOW I should be doing, I am struggling to get accomplished!! Does that make any sense!?!

I am presently in the midst of reading several books: Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster; Waking the Dead by John Eldridge; and It's Not About Me by Max Lucado. All three of these books have great teaching and deep points to ponder, but for some reason, I just don't feel like any of it has started to truly soak into my soul yet. I think my biggest problem is that I am not spending enough time each day just meditating on God and praying. I have never been very good at that. I typically like to be on the go or wrapped up in something-- or the complete other extreme-- lying on the couch doing nothing! So, I haven't been very disciplined about simply making the time to spend with Him. Every part of my logical and practical mind knows this to be true--- I realize that God gives me the very breath that I breathe and that giving back to Him a part of the day is the least I can do..... So, why is it so hard to put it into practice. Is it Satan or just my like of discipline and laziness? I actually do a pretty good job every day of thinking about Him or even doing what I'm dong now-- writing about Him-- but I really struggle with the relationship part. When I think about men such as Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Augustine, C.S. Lewis, etc. and how seriously they seemed to take their faith and the relationship they seemed to have with God, it makes me ashamed that I am so spiritually pathetic in so many ways. I want to arrive at a point where it is not a chore to carve out time for Him each day, but that I long-- like a deer thirsts for water-- to be in His presence. I wonder if it is possible to be in that place for an extended period of time or if those moments are precious, few and far between....

I guess all relationships function in a similar way. You cycle through stages-- some more intimate and meaningful than others. But, you always know, even in those downward cycles, that a better day is coming, so you don't lose hope. You keep the faith and maintain the relationship. That is why divorce seems like such a tragedy. Perhaps if the couple had just waited until the next chapter of the relationship, things would have gotten better-- or even better than they ever had been. Maybe the worst thing that can happen to a couple is when one of them loses sight of the bigger picture and chooses to opt for immediate gratification somewhere else instead of hanging in for the long haul-- he or she would rather enter the 50-yard dash and have some excitement instead of preparing for the marathon of a genuine relationship.

So-- during this season that should be all about the most important gift ever given-- Jesus-- I am going to pray for more desire-- more desire for Him and a desire to be in His presence. I pray that He is patient with me while I am in the midst of trying to find my way in this "spiritual marathon" and I am hoping that the "great cloud of witnesses" in the heavenly stands are cheering for me even as I stumble!