Luke reads the "instruction manual" which accompanied him on his trip to Ma Betz and Pa Bob's house.
Friday, February 25, 2005
A Piece of Chocolate for You...
Whew! What another whirlwind week! Seems like several of my last posts have started out this way! How do we get so incredibly busy?!
Saturday I left with ZOE to head to Abilene, Texas, for the ACU Lectureships. I was gone until Thursday morning. Scott left Sunday night for Detroit-- (he spent five hours in the Nashville airport before they actually cleared the plane to leave!). Monday he flew out to Denver and returned Wednesday night after a two-hour delay which got him to Nashville at 2 a.m.! So, we are road weary this weekend!
Where was Luke during all our travels? With my mom and dad! They got to have their first "parent-free" visit with Luke, and they really had a great time. Luke stayed true to his angelic behavior and couldn't have done any better. That is such a relief to me because I don't feel so badly for leaving him for such a long time. It is so nice to have my parents keep him-- we are so blessed to have great families.
The trip to ACU was such fun! It always is when ZOE gets together. We lead worship at Highland on Sunday-- it proved to be a very emotional service. The families involved in the accident all came to the front. A few of the children and parents shared how the event had affected them. Even Brody's family, the boy who was killed in the crash, was present at the first service. I can't imagine the strength it took for them to be up there-- only by the grace of God, I'm sure. Many of those who were among the first responders to the scene were also at church-- the police, EMTs, passerbys who stopped to help-- even a judge! They all had returned at the request of the families who wanted to show their appreciation to them for all they had done to help. It was a display of community and compassion in the grandest sense. All of them will forever share a bond that only they can comprehend. We were blessed to witness it.
We had also learned on the trip down that another tragedy had occurred.... Jonathan Shaub, the son of one of the elders at Otter Creek and a student I had known while teaching at Lipscomb, had been struck by a truck in Manhattan. He was in bad shape. Jonathan is the definition of what you would think the "perfect son" would be-- the star of the football team, smart-- he had a perfect score on his SATs, I think-- funny, kind.... He is such a great guy. His sister Nicole has sung with ZOE several times, too. She was keeping us posted on his progress. All our hearts were just breaking because we couldn't fathom what the family was going through. Right now, Jonathan seems to be making some improvement. Keep him in your prayers.
We had a lot of "down time" during the day, and we had fun hanging out and enjoying our time together. On Tuesday, Mike and Diane Cope had us over for lunch, and we got to see Chris-- also involved in the accident, but recovering well. He and Jason battled it out playing "horse" on the basketball hoop set up in the living room. It was very entertaining! It was also Brandon's mom, Miss Judy's birthday, so we had cake! FUN!
Doug and Nan Smith also had us out to their ranch for a genuine BBQ on the farm! They have a great little cabin out in the middle of nowhere on 1,500 or so acres. It was such a glorious day! The sun was shining, the wind was blowing, the JoAllen's BBQ was delicious! What more could you ask for?! What a fun time!
For the first time ever in the history of the ACU Lectures, we were leading the worship times before the keynote speakers at night. We weren't sure what to expect in this venue, but things went amazingly well. People seemed to respond favorably and didn't seem to want to run us off the stage! Praise the Lord! The speakers were good-- especially the Scottish preacher, Billy Wilson. He had such a different, in-your-face kind of style. Plus, he gave us one of our pharses for the week-- "Here's a piece of chocolate for you!" The best was Randy Harris' talk on Wednesday. He spoke from Colossians 4 on declaring the mystery of Christ. He said we need to be willing for things to look "weird", not expecting the church to look like it always has if we truly want to reach the lost. Amen, brother!
We are just so blessed to be a part of this ministry! We have been privileged to visit so many brothers and sisters from coast to coast in so many incredible worship environments. We have shared laughter and tears with family all over the country-- and even the world! A sweet woman from Micronesia-- a group of islands roughly halfway between Hawaii and Indonesia-- approached us in the cafeteria one day and told us how much our music meant to her. She told of us an incredible story about her mother and how our music had impacted her life before she died of breast cancer. She told us that long after we had left to remember that our music would still be in her heart! We have story after story like that which people have shared-- It is so humbling, and reminds us that God can use us to accomplish His purposes-- in spite of us and all our flaws!
Many of us pondered how strange it was to be back on a college campus. Several of the ZOE team actually attended ACU-- Brandon was named ACU Young Alumnus of the Year this past fall! When you are in the midst of a mass of college kids, you can't help but think back to your own past and your own college days. Those days were a time of such freedom and growth-- the world was new and the future untarnished! The irony is that you never fully realize what a sacred time it is until you can reflect back on it many years later. At the time it seems stressful, and painful, and frustrating... Much like our lives now-- which I am sure we will also look back on in time and wonder-- where did it all go?!
I had lunch one afternoon with a former student who was also in my lifegroup at church. It was so neat to listen to him share his problems with his love life. As I listened to his saga, it reminded me of so many things in my own past... I reassured him that no matter what happened with the girl who had disappointed him, God had a plan for his life. I tried to remind him to treasure each second and to leave behind the worry, anxiety, and drama that he was creating for himself... But, more than likely, he won't. I didn't. It's just all a part of the lessons we must learn along the journey.
Now it is back to the daily routine... It is funny how being gone for awhile almost makes you forget what normal day-to-day life is like. It is back to house cleaning, cooking, changing diapers-- all those truly wonderful things that you take for granted until you can get away, step outside yourself and gain a renewed perspective.
Thank You, Lord, for my healthy son who is just learning to take his first steps. Thank You, Lord, for my patient husband who supports me in my travels and in my ministry. Thank You, Lord, for my messy house that needs to be cleaned today. Thank You for the clothes in my suitcase that are dirty and wrinkled from the fun week I was blessed to spend with my Christian family in Texas. Thanks for my empty fridge and for the grocery run I need to make. Thank You, Lord, for my wonderful life as a stay-at-home mom. Thank You for the very life you have given us to live each day-- may we make the most of it as we learn through trial and error how to better follow in the footsteps of Jesus.
Saturday I left with ZOE to head to Abilene, Texas, for the ACU Lectureships. I was gone until Thursday morning. Scott left Sunday night for Detroit-- (he spent five hours in the Nashville airport before they actually cleared the plane to leave!). Monday he flew out to Denver and returned Wednesday night after a two-hour delay which got him to Nashville at 2 a.m.! So, we are road weary this weekend!
Where was Luke during all our travels? With my mom and dad! They got to have their first "parent-free" visit with Luke, and they really had a great time. Luke stayed true to his angelic behavior and couldn't have done any better. That is such a relief to me because I don't feel so badly for leaving him for such a long time. It is so nice to have my parents keep him-- we are so blessed to have great families.
The trip to ACU was such fun! It always is when ZOE gets together. We lead worship at Highland on Sunday-- it proved to be a very emotional service. The families involved in the accident all came to the front. A few of the children and parents shared how the event had affected them. Even Brody's family, the boy who was killed in the crash, was present at the first service. I can't imagine the strength it took for them to be up there-- only by the grace of God, I'm sure. Many of those who were among the first responders to the scene were also at church-- the police, EMTs, passerbys who stopped to help-- even a judge! They all had returned at the request of the families who wanted to show their appreciation to them for all they had done to help. It was a display of community and compassion in the grandest sense. All of them will forever share a bond that only they can comprehend. We were blessed to witness it.
We had also learned on the trip down that another tragedy had occurred.... Jonathan Shaub, the son of one of the elders at Otter Creek and a student I had known while teaching at Lipscomb, had been struck by a truck in Manhattan. He was in bad shape. Jonathan is the definition of what you would think the "perfect son" would be-- the star of the football team, smart-- he had a perfect score on his SATs, I think-- funny, kind.... He is such a great guy. His sister Nicole has sung with ZOE several times, too. She was keeping us posted on his progress. All our hearts were just breaking because we couldn't fathom what the family was going through. Right now, Jonathan seems to be making some improvement. Keep him in your prayers.
We had a lot of "down time" during the day, and we had fun hanging out and enjoying our time together. On Tuesday, Mike and Diane Cope had us over for lunch, and we got to see Chris-- also involved in the accident, but recovering well. He and Jason battled it out playing "horse" on the basketball hoop set up in the living room. It was very entertaining! It was also Brandon's mom, Miss Judy's birthday, so we had cake! FUN!
Doug and Nan Smith also had us out to their ranch for a genuine BBQ on the farm! They have a great little cabin out in the middle of nowhere on 1,500 or so acres. It was such a glorious day! The sun was shining, the wind was blowing, the JoAllen's BBQ was delicious! What more could you ask for?! What a fun time!
For the first time ever in the history of the ACU Lectures, we were leading the worship times before the keynote speakers at night. We weren't sure what to expect in this venue, but things went amazingly well. People seemed to respond favorably and didn't seem to want to run us off the stage! Praise the Lord! The speakers were good-- especially the Scottish preacher, Billy Wilson. He had such a different, in-your-face kind of style. Plus, he gave us one of our pharses for the week-- "Here's a piece of chocolate for you!" The best was Randy Harris' talk on Wednesday. He spoke from Colossians 4 on declaring the mystery of Christ. He said we need to be willing for things to look "weird", not expecting the church to look like it always has if we truly want to reach the lost. Amen, brother!
We are just so blessed to be a part of this ministry! We have been privileged to visit so many brothers and sisters from coast to coast in so many incredible worship environments. We have shared laughter and tears with family all over the country-- and even the world! A sweet woman from Micronesia-- a group of islands roughly halfway between Hawaii and Indonesia-- approached us in the cafeteria one day and told us how much our music meant to her. She told of us an incredible story about her mother and how our music had impacted her life before she died of breast cancer. She told us that long after we had left to remember that our music would still be in her heart! We have story after story like that which people have shared-- It is so humbling, and reminds us that God can use us to accomplish His purposes-- in spite of us and all our flaws!
Many of us pondered how strange it was to be back on a college campus. Several of the ZOE team actually attended ACU-- Brandon was named ACU Young Alumnus of the Year this past fall! When you are in the midst of a mass of college kids, you can't help but think back to your own past and your own college days. Those days were a time of such freedom and growth-- the world was new and the future untarnished! The irony is that you never fully realize what a sacred time it is until you can reflect back on it many years later. At the time it seems stressful, and painful, and frustrating... Much like our lives now-- which I am sure we will also look back on in time and wonder-- where did it all go?!
I had lunch one afternoon with a former student who was also in my lifegroup at church. It was so neat to listen to him share his problems with his love life. As I listened to his saga, it reminded me of so many things in my own past... I reassured him that no matter what happened with the girl who had disappointed him, God had a plan for his life. I tried to remind him to treasure each second and to leave behind the worry, anxiety, and drama that he was creating for himself... But, more than likely, he won't. I didn't. It's just all a part of the lessons we must learn along the journey.
Now it is back to the daily routine... It is funny how being gone for awhile almost makes you forget what normal day-to-day life is like. It is back to house cleaning, cooking, changing diapers-- all those truly wonderful things that you take for granted until you can get away, step outside yourself and gain a renewed perspective.
Thank You, Lord, for my healthy son who is just learning to take his first steps. Thank You, Lord, for my patient husband who supports me in my travels and in my ministry. Thank You, Lord, for my messy house that needs to be cleaned today. Thank You for the clothes in my suitcase that are dirty and wrinkled from the fun week I was blessed to spend with my Christian family in Texas. Thanks for my empty fridge and for the grocery run I need to make. Thank You, Lord, for my wonderful life as a stay-at-home mom. Thank You for the very life you have given us to live each day-- may we make the most of it as we learn through trial and error how to better follow in the footsteps of Jesus.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Stairway to Heaven-- at 4 a.m.
Today's entry is the perfect example of what happens at 4 a.m. when you can't sleep-- CRAZY thoughts which emerge from your semi-conscious mind!!! Last night Scott and I had an amazing dinner at our favorite fancy restaurant, and I had too much to drink-- sweet tea, of course!!! I am not used to all that caffeine so late at night, so I think that's why I had a restless night.
I kept having this random dream about being in New York with a group of friends. We were touring through the city and were at the top of one of the skyscrapers when we reached an elevator door. We wanted to get down to street level, but the elevator was broken. We were all standing directly in front of the door contemplating what a long way down it was in that elevator shaft!
This caused me to think about the many times I had actually been to New York-- in my real life!!! Obviously all of us were shaken to the core on 9/11 when we saw the planes fly into the World Trade Center. I remember walking over to our refrigerator and grabbing a magnet off the door that Scott and I had purchased at the top of the WTC just a few years earlier to add to our souvenir collection. It was a red apple-- "I love NY." We also have several photos of us taken from the top of the tower-- how odd that it no longer exists.
Going to the top of the Empire State Building is also an adventure! Its hauntingly beautiful architecture and history is so powerful. The site where it stands belonged to John Jacob Astor. He died tragically on the Titanic, and his son Vincent sold the property soon after his death. The Empire State Building, ironically, was also struck by an army plane in 1945, leaving 14 people dead. (Yes, all of this was swirling around in my head at 4 a.m.! Sad, but true!)
So-- I started to think about how crazy it is that we willingly get into a tiny metal box with at least 20-30 other people stuffed into it with us, so that we can travel to the top of a building to see the view. And-- if this box was made out of glass-- with a clear view of everything-- yes, even the floor-- Would we be so willing? I think I thought of this because in my dream we were dangerously close to the broken elevator door, yet we didn't think twice about the possibility of falling down the chute. If the door hadn't been there, and it was just a gaping hole, dropping 102 floors to the street below, would I have been standing, laughing right on the edge? No way?! It makes my stomach flip to think about it!!!
This is where my philosophizing took over--- bear with me!!! It might not make as much sense now as it did at 4 a.m. Why do we have so much faith and trust in things that keep us from seeing reality-- like small, metal elevator boxes? -or metal airplanes flying at 30,000 feet (Would you fly in the same plane if it were made of see-through material, allowing you to see all the way to the ground-- or would you feel just as calm and relaxed, ignoring the stewardess's safety instructions!?) We assume that we will be safe and protected-- Why?
There must be some spiritual principle to be found in all of that.... Perhaps we enjoy being blinded from things that make us afraid. We don't want to see the reality of the world we live in? Or, maybe we simply choose to trust in the inventions of man-- (objects which physically exist in our tactile world-- that we can see and touch)-- over the genuine realities of God.... The Tower of Babel might be a decent analogy-- Whereas the ark built by Noah was entirely and act of faith and trust in the Lord, roughly 100 years later, the Tower of Babel served as a prideful construct of man; a "stairway to heaven", glorifying his own accomplishment and strength.
I kept having this random dream about being in New York with a group of friends. We were touring through the city and were at the top of one of the skyscrapers when we reached an elevator door. We wanted to get down to street level, but the elevator was broken. We were all standing directly in front of the door contemplating what a long way down it was in that elevator shaft!
This caused me to think about the many times I had actually been to New York-- in my real life!!! Obviously all of us were shaken to the core on 9/11 when we saw the planes fly into the World Trade Center. I remember walking over to our refrigerator and grabbing a magnet off the door that Scott and I had purchased at the top of the WTC just a few years earlier to add to our souvenir collection. It was a red apple-- "I love NY." We also have several photos of us taken from the top of the tower-- how odd that it no longer exists.
Going to the top of the Empire State Building is also an adventure! Its hauntingly beautiful architecture and history is so powerful. The site where it stands belonged to John Jacob Astor. He died tragically on the Titanic, and his son Vincent sold the property soon after his death. The Empire State Building, ironically, was also struck by an army plane in 1945, leaving 14 people dead. (Yes, all of this was swirling around in my head at 4 a.m.! Sad, but true!)
So-- I started to think about how crazy it is that we willingly get into a tiny metal box with at least 20-30 other people stuffed into it with us, so that we can travel to the top of a building to see the view. And-- if this box was made out of glass-- with a clear view of everything-- yes, even the floor-- Would we be so willing? I think I thought of this because in my dream we were dangerously close to the broken elevator door, yet we didn't think twice about the possibility of falling down the chute. If the door hadn't been there, and it was just a gaping hole, dropping 102 floors to the street below, would I have been standing, laughing right on the edge? No way?! It makes my stomach flip to think about it!!!
This is where my philosophizing took over--- bear with me!!! It might not make as much sense now as it did at 4 a.m. Why do we have so much faith and trust in things that keep us from seeing reality-- like small, metal elevator boxes? -or metal airplanes flying at 30,000 feet (Would you fly in the same plane if it were made of see-through material, allowing you to see all the way to the ground-- or would you feel just as calm and relaxed, ignoring the stewardess's safety instructions!?) We assume that we will be safe and protected-- Why?
There must be some spiritual principle to be found in all of that.... Perhaps we enjoy being blinded from things that make us afraid. We don't want to see the reality of the world we live in? Or, maybe we simply choose to trust in the inventions of man-- (objects which physically exist in our tactile world-- that we can see and touch)-- over the genuine realities of God.... The Tower of Babel might be a decent analogy-- Whereas the ark built by Noah was entirely and act of faith and trust in the Lord, roughly 100 years later, the Tower of Babel served as a prideful construct of man; a "stairway to heaven", glorifying his own accomplishment and strength.
Man does not really want to eliminate God. It is only sporadically and then only for a relatively brief time that men cry out for the elimination of God. Atheism is too barren, too pessimistic and too morally bankrupt to live with very long. The communists are finding this out. No, we need "dear old God," but let's keep him under control. Do not let him get out of his place. "Don't call us, God; we'll call you." This is the fundamental philosophy of society. It is the tower of Babel all over again.
from The Beginnings, by Ray C. Stedman, Waco Books, 1978
Remember-- I warned you that it was a little of the wall!! Maybe it will make some of you think and come up with a better interpretation than I was able to invent!! :)
Happy thinking!
Remember-- I warned you that it was a little of the wall!! Maybe it will make some of you think and come up with a better interpretation than I was able to invent!! :)
Happy thinking!
Monday, February 14, 2005
Only in Nashvegas!!
Whew! The last week I have been really entangled in spiritual "deep thoughts".... It is actually hard for me to even explain the exact nature of my ramblings, but it lies somewhere along the lines of "loving others"--
Last weekend I was asked to sing at a Bethesda conference-- a workshop for those who work with and minister to people recovering from sexual abuse or addiction. I hadn't really thought much about it-- it was just another time to sing, which I love to do, plus I was going to be leading worship with Randy Gill my worship minister at Woodmont. We have done our youth group summer camp worship sessions for many years, and we always have such a good time together. He is so wonderful, especially when he leads with his guitar.
The first day, I confess, went ok-- nothing special. We were a little hurried and had barely run through the song list. Scott was staying home from work to keep Luke while I was gone, but he still had to jump in on a few conference calls-- I hoped Luke had gone back down for a nap... I left after the opening set and didn't even stay to listen to the speaker or to sing on the last song.
The next day I figured would be more of the same-- Did God have a way of surprising me!!!
During the opening session, Randy revealed to all of us some good news about his son Chris. This is a long story in and of itself-- going of for several years, but he had really been on my heart ever since the Fresno conference. I was blessed to catch up with Randy and his wife while we were there and had learned more about his latest condition. I was so moved to hear the glimmer of hope in his voice and I felt such joy for them. I ended up staying to listen to the speaker, Marnie Feree. She attends Woodmont, and she and her husband had actually been on PrimeTime Live or some show like that on ABC earlier last year which I had seen, so I knew a little bit about her story although I had never heard her speak in person before. She began to tell her tragic story but in such a strong, victorious way-- her mom died, a man befriended her and then took advantage of her vulnerability... this began a destructive cycle of sexual dysfunction in her life. I was moved again-- she is such a gifted speaker. Her theme was how God can bring redemption through pain and she used many examples from her on tale to illustrate.
I have obviously heard the same principles many times, but something about her story really caused me to stop and think-- many people must be hurting and suffering this way-- and I am completely oblivious to it.
Last month I actually was struck by the realization that I don't love others like I should. Since I am outgoing and a social type-- it has been easy for me to overlook this. I am realizing that superficial demonstrances of concern are not what the Kingdom is about.... saying "Hi" doesn't go a long way to really making a difference in people's lives.
I have always been good at "doing" things for people-- sweet e-mails or encouraging notes or surprise gifts... But that is also a way of avoiding the real task of establishing meaningful connections with others.
I stopped to think about why this was-- and I had to conclude that I was simply being selfish. I had started focusing on my needs-- and Luke's-- and I had forgotten how to be hospitable to others. I was good at the friendships I had already established-- with the people who I considered friends and "worthy of my time" and emotional investment... But, beyond that, I had sadly been lacking.
So--- This is a ongoing process of learning and growth that I hope God will lead me through. Scott and I have committed to opening our home each week to others besides our immediate circle of friends or small group.... We want to start reaching out to those we don't know well and who might need someone to be a listening ear or kind shoulder to lean on-- who need someone to be Jesus to them in the biggest way.
The more I ponder the topic of being hospitable, the more I am convinced that it is the very core of what it means to be a Christian. When Jesus was asked what the most important law was, he said, "Love God, Love others." I am starting to see that it is really that simple. In opening our hearts and becoming vulnerable to others we truly learn how to rely on Him, to have a deeper faith, and to see the world through more compassionate eyes.
The night before last, we had taken Luke to our favorite "meat-and-three" hangout for dinner. As we were coming in, Eddy Arnold was headed out. He stopped to talk with Luke and grabbed his stomach to see for himself how big and sturdy he was!!! Eddy was a huge star back in the 50's I think was his heyday-- I wouldn't have recognized him as anything but a sweet older gentleman, except when we sat down we noticed an old autographed album cover of him on the wall! Our waitress confirmed that he was one and the same and also shared that he had just been given a lifetime achievement award by the Grammy's-- he wasn't going to attend. She said he was also mentioned in the opening scenes of Ray, the movie about Ray Charles. What a fun encounter with someone who has surely lived an interesting and colorful life!! Only in Nashvegas!!
So-- on this Valentine's Day 2005, Scott and I will go out to our favorite fancy restaurant and celebrate our 13th Valentine's together! What a wonderful time it has been! I am so blessed to have a husband who encourages me in my wacky spiritual journey and who supports me and joins me in my crusade to be a more loving Christian to everyone I meet.
Thank you, Lord!!
Last weekend I was asked to sing at a Bethesda conference-- a workshop for those who work with and minister to people recovering from sexual abuse or addiction. I hadn't really thought much about it-- it was just another time to sing, which I love to do, plus I was going to be leading worship with Randy Gill my worship minister at Woodmont. We have done our youth group summer camp worship sessions for many years, and we always have such a good time together. He is so wonderful, especially when he leads with his guitar.
The first day, I confess, went ok-- nothing special. We were a little hurried and had barely run through the song list. Scott was staying home from work to keep Luke while I was gone, but he still had to jump in on a few conference calls-- I hoped Luke had gone back down for a nap... I left after the opening set and didn't even stay to listen to the speaker or to sing on the last song.
The next day I figured would be more of the same-- Did God have a way of surprising me!!!
During the opening session, Randy revealed to all of us some good news about his son Chris. This is a long story in and of itself-- going of for several years, but he had really been on my heart ever since the Fresno conference. I was blessed to catch up with Randy and his wife while we were there and had learned more about his latest condition. I was so moved to hear the glimmer of hope in his voice and I felt such joy for them. I ended up staying to listen to the speaker, Marnie Feree. She attends Woodmont, and she and her husband had actually been on PrimeTime Live or some show like that on ABC earlier last year which I had seen, so I knew a little bit about her story although I had never heard her speak in person before. She began to tell her tragic story but in such a strong, victorious way-- her mom died, a man befriended her and then took advantage of her vulnerability... this began a destructive cycle of sexual dysfunction in her life. I was moved again-- she is such a gifted speaker. Her theme was how God can bring redemption through pain and she used many examples from her on tale to illustrate.
I have obviously heard the same principles many times, but something about her story really caused me to stop and think-- many people must be hurting and suffering this way-- and I am completely oblivious to it.
Last month I actually was struck by the realization that I don't love others like I should. Since I am outgoing and a social type-- it has been easy for me to overlook this. I am realizing that superficial demonstrances of concern are not what the Kingdom is about.... saying "Hi" doesn't go a long way to really making a difference in people's lives.
I have always been good at "doing" things for people-- sweet e-mails or encouraging notes or surprise gifts... But that is also a way of avoiding the real task of establishing meaningful connections with others.
I stopped to think about why this was-- and I had to conclude that I was simply being selfish. I had started focusing on my needs-- and Luke's-- and I had forgotten how to be hospitable to others. I was good at the friendships I had already established-- with the people who I considered friends and "worthy of my time" and emotional investment... But, beyond that, I had sadly been lacking.
So--- This is a ongoing process of learning and growth that I hope God will lead me through. Scott and I have committed to opening our home each week to others besides our immediate circle of friends or small group.... We want to start reaching out to those we don't know well and who might need someone to be a listening ear or kind shoulder to lean on-- who need someone to be Jesus to them in the biggest way.
The more I ponder the topic of being hospitable, the more I am convinced that it is the very core of what it means to be a Christian. When Jesus was asked what the most important law was, he said, "Love God, Love others." I am starting to see that it is really that simple. In opening our hearts and becoming vulnerable to others we truly learn how to rely on Him, to have a deeper faith, and to see the world through more compassionate eyes.
The night before last, we had taken Luke to our favorite "meat-and-three" hangout for dinner. As we were coming in, Eddy Arnold was headed out. He stopped to talk with Luke and grabbed his stomach to see for himself how big and sturdy he was!!! Eddy was a huge star back in the 50's I think was his heyday-- I wouldn't have recognized him as anything but a sweet older gentleman, except when we sat down we noticed an old autographed album cover of him on the wall! Our waitress confirmed that he was one and the same and also shared that he had just been given a lifetime achievement award by the Grammy's-- he wasn't going to attend. She said he was also mentioned in the opening scenes of Ray, the movie about Ray Charles. What a fun encounter with someone who has surely lived an interesting and colorful life!! Only in Nashvegas!!
So-- on this Valentine's Day 2005, Scott and I will go out to our favorite fancy restaurant and celebrate our 13th Valentine's together! What a wonderful time it has been! I am so blessed to have a husband who encourages me in my wacky spiritual journey and who supports me and joins me in my crusade to be a more loving Christian to everyone I meet.
Thank you, Lord!!
Friday, February 04, 2005
Count it Pure Joy...
I couldn't sleep last night for the longest time-- thoughts were just racing around in my head.... One of the topics I began pondering as one can only do at 2:00 a.m. was the concept of pain-- or rather, endurance through pain.
I guess it had been on my mind because the last thing I did before bed was reply to an e-mail. One of my family members has recently gone through a divorce. There is much pain and hurt. My advice was to remember that there is hope on the other side of pain, so we should almost learn to embrace the pain, knowing that it will make us wiser and stronger once we make it to the other side. I started thinking about how the physical realm of life actually bears this out over and over.... This week my son turned one-- Oh, how I remember the pain this time last year that I felt when the first pangs of labor struck! At first I was completely taken aback by the force and intensity of it all, but I learned pretty quickly that if I stopped trying to fight it, I could control it instead of it controlling me... When I focused on breathing in deeply and relaxing, despite the hurt, it was much more bearable... and the reward on the other side?-- Well, he is priceless!
Really, at every stage of life and in the smallest details of my ordinary routine, this is proved to be true over and over again.... When I am working out and grimacing in pain and think I can't possible lift the weights one more time... I grit my teeth and keep going-- mind over matter-- and although I literally tear my muscles down each day, they rebuild and become even stronger. I like being sore when I get out of bed in the morning because I know that I really pushed myself the day before. Or-- the pain of conquering a fear of some type... it is so hard to get up the courage to follow through, but once it is over, there is such a sense of accomplishment-- like the time I was learning to ski and the slope I was trying to tackle might as well have been Mount Everest! I was freezing and in pain because of the many falls I had already endured. I have to laugh now, because that green slope is nothing compared to the black diamond runs I can easily maneuver now.
Luke is also showing me this each day-- One day he can't sit or roll over... he is so frustrated and defeated... soon he is crawling, standing and stepping! Today I took him for his 12-month check up and he had to get two shots. I think he was definitely in pain by the way he was screaming! Even as his mom who wants to shelter and protect him in every way, I have never really gotten upset, because I know that this pain I have allowed him to experience is for his own good-- and he won't remember it in the long run!
So-- this all sounds great in the wee hours of the morning in my half-conscious state.... But, when you get those e-mails about friends and loved ones who are in the midst of their drowning seas of pain... you hurt, too. A father and mother who are grieving over their prodigal son who is still wallowing in the pit of drugs and darkness; a husband who is grieving over his wife's physical ailments and struggles; a woman wounded from the betrayal of her husband and his complete abandonment of her-- all of these are at the top of my prayer list today.
It is much easier to celebrate with people on the other side of the "Refiner's Fire" than it is to know what to say or do when someone is crying out from their loneliness or grief.
I often worry myself-- that although I logically comprehend the process of pain-- that some lessons God ultimately teaches us can only be learned through the pain experience... I fear that when my next bout with pain occurs-- whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually-- that I won't be up to the challenge-- that I will let the pain blind me from the bigger picture of it all... plus, I don't really like to think about what would have to happen in my life to bring about such pain-- betrayal, abandonment, sickness, death....
God tells us that we should consider it joy when we experience those types of trials because they do lead us to the discipline and perseverance we need to maintain our faith. It is so much harder when the human parts of us are hurting and grieving. Yet, it is this very pain which reminds us that this world is not our home and creates the restless longing in our hearts and soul for something more-- something better beyond this life and this existence... an eternal life with Him.
Thank you, Father, for promising to bring good out of our pain and sorrows-- for reminding us that You will use these times to discipline and to shape us into more of whom You want us to be. I also thank You for bringing comfort and peace to us even in the midst of our suffering and pain, and I beg You to shower the ones I love who are in pain with Your grace and mercy today-- surround them with Your love and give them wisdom and knowledge to strengthen them so that they may endure.
I guess it had been on my mind because the last thing I did before bed was reply to an e-mail. One of my family members has recently gone through a divorce. There is much pain and hurt. My advice was to remember that there is hope on the other side of pain, so we should almost learn to embrace the pain, knowing that it will make us wiser and stronger once we make it to the other side. I started thinking about how the physical realm of life actually bears this out over and over.... This week my son turned one-- Oh, how I remember the pain this time last year that I felt when the first pangs of labor struck! At first I was completely taken aback by the force and intensity of it all, but I learned pretty quickly that if I stopped trying to fight it, I could control it instead of it controlling me... When I focused on breathing in deeply and relaxing, despite the hurt, it was much more bearable... and the reward on the other side?-- Well, he is priceless!
Really, at every stage of life and in the smallest details of my ordinary routine, this is proved to be true over and over again.... When I am working out and grimacing in pain and think I can't possible lift the weights one more time... I grit my teeth and keep going-- mind over matter-- and although I literally tear my muscles down each day, they rebuild and become even stronger. I like being sore when I get out of bed in the morning because I know that I really pushed myself the day before. Or-- the pain of conquering a fear of some type... it is so hard to get up the courage to follow through, but once it is over, there is such a sense of accomplishment-- like the time I was learning to ski and the slope I was trying to tackle might as well have been Mount Everest! I was freezing and in pain because of the many falls I had already endured. I have to laugh now, because that green slope is nothing compared to the black diamond runs I can easily maneuver now.
Luke is also showing me this each day-- One day he can't sit or roll over... he is so frustrated and defeated... soon he is crawling, standing and stepping! Today I took him for his 12-month check up and he had to get two shots. I think he was definitely in pain by the way he was screaming! Even as his mom who wants to shelter and protect him in every way, I have never really gotten upset, because I know that this pain I have allowed him to experience is for his own good-- and he won't remember it in the long run!
So-- this all sounds great in the wee hours of the morning in my half-conscious state.... But, when you get those e-mails about friends and loved ones who are in the midst of their drowning seas of pain... you hurt, too. A father and mother who are grieving over their prodigal son who is still wallowing in the pit of drugs and darkness; a husband who is grieving over his wife's physical ailments and struggles; a woman wounded from the betrayal of her husband and his complete abandonment of her-- all of these are at the top of my prayer list today.
It is much easier to celebrate with people on the other side of the "Refiner's Fire" than it is to know what to say or do when someone is crying out from their loneliness or grief.
I often worry myself-- that although I logically comprehend the process of pain-- that some lessons God ultimately teaches us can only be learned through the pain experience... I fear that when my next bout with pain occurs-- whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually-- that I won't be up to the challenge-- that I will let the pain blind me from the bigger picture of it all... plus, I don't really like to think about what would have to happen in my life to bring about such pain-- betrayal, abandonment, sickness, death....
God tells us that we should consider it joy when we experience those types of trials because they do lead us to the discipline and perseverance we need to maintain our faith. It is so much harder when the human parts of us are hurting and grieving. Yet, it is this very pain which reminds us that this world is not our home and creates the restless longing in our hearts and soul for something more-- something better beyond this life and this existence... an eternal life with Him.
Thank you, Father, for promising to bring good out of our pain and sorrows-- for reminding us that You will use these times to discipline and to shape us into more of whom You want us to be. I also thank You for bringing comfort and peace to us even in the midst of our suffering and pain, and I beg You to shower the ones I love who are in pain with Your grace and mercy today-- surround them with Your love and give them wisdom and knowledge to strengthen them so that they may endure.
Monday, January 31, 2005
These Obstacles are My Life
Saturday was Luke's first birthday party! What an incredible day it was! He fulfilled every parent's dream of what a first birthday should be-- right down to the full face plant into his cake!
We had invited family only and tried to plan it at the most convenient time-- but that turned out to be a more complicated proposition than I had originally thought.... It is hard to make everyone happy and not hurt anyone's feelings in the process I soon learned!!! (creamed corn! as Brandon would say) But-- the way Scott and I have chosen to look at it-- the people who were meant to be there, were there, and it was the best day!
Luke officially doesn't turn one until Thursday. I spent many LATE nights last week working on a DVD compilation of his first year. It was such a wonderful thing to review six video tapes worth of his life and to literally watch him develop right in front of my eyes. As hard as I have tried, most of those early days are simply a blur, and I am even more thankful now that I videoed and took SO many photos. The final DVD was just incredible! It got a standing ovation from everyone after the last credits rolled! I had also made copies of it for everyone to take home with them. It was a good thing!
So, Luke had a ball! He loved all the balloons and all the attention! He especially loved eating his ENTIRE little birthday cake with his face!!! He got icing all over him, but it was worth it!
Well-- another milestone in life-- another red date circled on the calendar has come and gone... I have often thought how odd it is that we tend to live from "big date" to "big date"-- such is life I guess. I remember thinking the same sort of thing as Scott and I pulled out of the church parking lot in his little red truck on our wedding day, with family and friends all waving good bye: "How strange that this day I have waited for ALL my life is now over!" And now-- "How strange that this precious little one that I have waited for all my life is now ONE!!!" My goal would be to live each day as if it were the big red date circled on the calendar-- the whole "carpe diem" strategy, I suppose. That way when those "big, circled-in-red dates" do roll around, they are just icing on the cake which makes every day life a little sweeter for the moment, but at their close, still don't take away from the specialness of our daily journey.
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or debt to be paid, then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." Alfred D. Souza
"Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but they insist on amassing information." Kurt Vonnegut.
Life does happen too fast-- at least life as we know it here! Jesus even told us, "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away" (James 4:14). Today at the Y as we were leaving class, I overheard a woman wishing our instructor "happy birthday". She smiled and thanked her and told her that she was glad to be turning 36. The woman replied, "Well, as my grandmother always said-- it's better than the alternative!" I had heard that said many times before, but I had never heard the reply that the instructor gave in response-- she said, "Well, I guess it depends on where you are going." She is so right! We cling desperately to the wonderful moments we experience here, and perhaps we should, but we should never lose sight of the fact that we are still on this side of real life--- real life with the Father. I guess if we did a better job a keeping that in mind, we would live like each day were our last-- loving and laughing more, and trying to be Jesus to all those we come into contact with each day.
Thanks for a wonderful birthday party, Lord! You are so faithful and have blessed us in SO many ways!
We had invited family only and tried to plan it at the most convenient time-- but that turned out to be a more complicated proposition than I had originally thought.... It is hard to make everyone happy and not hurt anyone's feelings in the process I soon learned!!! (creamed corn! as Brandon would say) But-- the way Scott and I have chosen to look at it-- the people who were meant to be there, were there, and it was the best day!
Luke officially doesn't turn one until Thursday. I spent many LATE nights last week working on a DVD compilation of his first year. It was such a wonderful thing to review six video tapes worth of his life and to literally watch him develop right in front of my eyes. As hard as I have tried, most of those early days are simply a blur, and I am even more thankful now that I videoed and took SO many photos. The final DVD was just incredible! It got a standing ovation from everyone after the last credits rolled! I had also made copies of it for everyone to take home with them. It was a good thing!
So, Luke had a ball! He loved all the balloons and all the attention! He especially loved eating his ENTIRE little birthday cake with his face!!! He got icing all over him, but it was worth it!
Well-- another milestone in life-- another red date circled on the calendar has come and gone... I have often thought how odd it is that we tend to live from "big date" to "big date"-- such is life I guess. I remember thinking the same sort of thing as Scott and I pulled out of the church parking lot in his little red truck on our wedding day, with family and friends all waving good bye: "How strange that this day I have waited for ALL my life is now over!" And now-- "How strange that this precious little one that I have waited for all my life is now ONE!!!" My goal would be to live each day as if it were the big red date circled on the calendar-- the whole "carpe diem" strategy, I suppose. That way when those "big, circled-in-red dates" do roll around, they are just icing on the cake which makes every day life a little sweeter for the moment, but at their close, still don't take away from the specialness of our daily journey.
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or debt to be paid, then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." Alfred D. Souza
"Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but they insist on amassing information." Kurt Vonnegut.
Life does happen too fast-- at least life as we know it here! Jesus even told us, "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away" (James 4:14). Today at the Y as we were leaving class, I overheard a woman wishing our instructor "happy birthday". She smiled and thanked her and told her that she was glad to be turning 36. The woman replied, "Well, as my grandmother always said-- it's better than the alternative!" I had heard that said many times before, but I had never heard the reply that the instructor gave in response-- she said, "Well, I guess it depends on where you are going." She is so right! We cling desperately to the wonderful moments we experience here, and perhaps we should, but we should never lose sight of the fact that we are still on this side of real life--- real life with the Father. I guess if we did a better job a keeping that in mind, we would live like each day were our last-- loving and laughing more, and trying to be Jesus to all those we come into contact with each day.
Thanks for a wonderful birthday party, Lord! You are so faithful and have blessed us in SO many ways!
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Birthday Reflections
Yesterday was my 34th birthday-- the day came and went without much fanfare, which is probably not a bad thing! Actually, last weekend in Fresno they had a cake for me and a couple of others who shared birthdays close to mine-- it was very nice. Also this week, three dear friends took me out for lunch at our usual hang out spot. They had also gotten me thoughtful gifts-- which they shouldn't have. I guess I am the one guilty of letting the day pass unremarkably-- I have just been so busy trying to get Luke's 1st party to come together-- which ironically, he won't remember! :)
Fresno was just a wonderful trip. This was the third year that ZOE has done a conference there. I didn't get to go last year because of Luke's impending birth. It was so nice to return. We stayed with the same host couple that we were with the first year. They are so precious, and it was so comfortable being with them again. The entire College Church is so gracious. They have embraced us and loved on us like no others-- and have fed us-- I know I gained 5 pounds! The worship times were great. It is a great feeling to have such confidence in the people that you are singing with that you don't even have to think about anything else but letting go in worship. Plus, I did exceptionally well, I must say, being away from Luke for the first time, too. I didn't worry about him once-- probably because I was so busy having fun and fellowshipping in Fresno, but also because I knew he was with Scott and well taken care of and loved just as if I were there anyway. It was good for them to have a "guys weekend".... ZOE is headed to Abilene at the end of February for a longer trip, so I hope he (and I) does as good next time.
I have almost finished the DVD compilation of Luke's first year! I even surprised myself-- it is good! So, even though my house is a complete wreck from all the remodeling, etc. I think I can get everything finished and pull off a great party. The counters are in, the tile is up (grouted today), the new foyer light is hung.... The small improvements have really made a big difference.
So-- I am another year older.... and wiser?! It is odd to think that this is my first birthday as mother. I have been so blessed. Jesus was supposedly 33 when he was crucified-- my 33rd year was so charmed and full of love.... What an odd contrast to ponder upon.... I just pray that I will find ways to carry out His work in my day-to-day stay-at-home existence, and that I will set a good example for Luke to follow. Lord continue to help me!
Fresno was just a wonderful trip. This was the third year that ZOE has done a conference there. I didn't get to go last year because of Luke's impending birth. It was so nice to return. We stayed with the same host couple that we were with the first year. They are so precious, and it was so comfortable being with them again. The entire College Church is so gracious. They have embraced us and loved on us like no others-- and have fed us-- I know I gained 5 pounds! The worship times were great. It is a great feeling to have such confidence in the people that you are singing with that you don't even have to think about anything else but letting go in worship. Plus, I did exceptionally well, I must say, being away from Luke for the first time, too. I didn't worry about him once-- probably because I was so busy having fun and fellowshipping in Fresno, but also because I knew he was with Scott and well taken care of and loved just as if I were there anyway. It was good for them to have a "guys weekend".... ZOE is headed to Abilene at the end of February for a longer trip, so I hope he (and I) does as good next time.
I have almost finished the DVD compilation of Luke's first year! I even surprised myself-- it is good! So, even though my house is a complete wreck from all the remodeling, etc. I think I can get everything finished and pull off a great party. The counters are in, the tile is up (grouted today), the new foyer light is hung.... The small improvements have really made a big difference.
So-- I am another year older.... and wiser?! It is odd to think that this is my first birthday as mother. I have been so blessed. Jesus was supposedly 33 when he was crucified-- my 33rd year was so charmed and full of love.... What an odd contrast to ponder upon.... I just pray that I will find ways to carry out His work in my day-to-day stay-at-home existence, and that I will set a good example for Luke to follow. Lord continue to help me!
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
An Empowered Life
Here's take two on what I think I wrote earlier today! :)
We have been trying to get our kitchen remodeled this month-- new countertops, tile backsplash, etc. They put the granite in Monday and hopefully the tile guy will have most of his work done Saturday. I cant' believe that we pulled off this transformation in such a short time-- basically three weeks! It's nice having friends in the contracting/builder world. Scott has wanted to upgrade the kitchen for so long. It will be nice.
On top of the frenzied chaos of picking out granite and tile and faucets and sinks--- I have also been trying to put together Luke's first birthday party! I got the invitations sent out last week and was very happy with how they turned out. We decided to just invite family this year. He won't know the difference anyway! My biggest and loftiest goal might prove to be my undoing! I am trying to take all the video footage and digital photos we have taken over the past 12 months and make a DVD to show at the party. In my head I want it to be this exquisitely put together pseudo-documentary on Luke's first year of life. Something that will bring tears to the eye, but also make us smile to think what a miracle he truly is. Scott got me the most high-tech computer that Dell makes-- and then some-- he had it built and he knows so much about computers-- I don't know much about all that spec stuff, and I got some awesome Sony editing software. I spent the last couple of night staying up late watching hours and hours of footage on the screen, sitting in awe, watching digital proof of just how fast time goes by.
It is surreal to stop and try to visualize future time-- like I wonder what I will be like when Luke is 18 and graduating from college?! What will he look like? What kind of man will he have become-- or still yet will make out of himself?! It just can't be done! Hindsight is more than "20/20" it is a genuine gift, yet we rarely stop to think of it that way. Hindsight allows us, if we stop long enough to notice, a glimpse into all things that have helped to shape us into who were are at this very minute. I am a different person after bringing Luke into the world, yes-- but I am also forever changed because I saw him laugh for the first time, and crawl, and scream "Da Da" and say "sock" every morning when I hold one up to put on his foot. (his pronunciation is more like gawk, but I know what he is saying!) I have always been sentimental about the past-- wanting to keep souvenirs of remembrance and the like-- but, I think as I am getting older, I am starting to see the past in a more complex and meaningful way. It is hard to put into words actually, but I just pray that realizing how precious time itself is, I will treasure the moments that God has given me.
I confess that I have felt "busy" lately in many aspects of life-- and it doesn't necessarily mean "busy" as in I have an overload of things to accomplish-- which I do feel-- but it is a deeper "busy"-- maybe more of an anxiety like something is happening and if I don't hurry up or open my eyes or position myself in just the right place, I might miss it. It is that restless feeling I have talked about before-- which really annoys me, because I have NO reason at all to feel restless or anxious. I admit-- I lead a pretty cushy life. To 99.9% of the world, fretting about whether or not your laundry is folded and put away is a luxurious worry. Maybe because my "worries" and "issues" are so seemingly small in comparison to SO many other things, that I feel badly about worrying at all-- maybe worry is a strong word-- badly about wanting to address the things in my life I want changed or done more efficiently.... But it all still seems foolish.... Especially when you hear news like we got on Sunday about the youth at the Highland Church in Abilene. We were so relieved that Mike and Diane's son Chris was going to be ok... but how about the parents of the little boy who died? How about the woman who was driving when the wreck occurred? How about the kids who saw the wreck happen? How about the church? How are the members supposed to deal with this? Or-- how about the tsunami victims? I could go on and on. Anyway-- I am working on trying to remind myself to stop being anxious and to be thankful. Thankful that I have a sweet, precious one year old to plan a party for-- DVD or no DVD!
It has been awhile since I have written anything of substance on the blog. I guess the "busy" junk has clouded out some of my deeper spiritual thought. I am still plowing through Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. It has really gotten to me-- I am hoping that we are going to start up a study of the book on Friday nights beginning in February with some other couples. They are good friends who also have a strong desire to be involved in the same kind of thought/study process. I have actually been pondering many things spiritual, but by the time I finally make it to the keyboard, the thoughts have gone... So, I don't guess those count.
I do want to share my new theme verse for the year-- 1 Corinthians 4:20. I can honestly say that I had never noticed it before in my life-- but a few weeks ago it jumped out at me:
So-- I am not sure that I have covered everything that I discussed in the "lost entry"-- but, perhaps this late night rambling is an even better offering....
I am headed out to Fresno this weekend for a ZOE conference. I am so looking forward to it. It is the first time that we have all sung together since our conference here in October. It was nice to sit around and sing together at our rehearsal run through last Sunday. It is hard to explain how easy it is for us to sing together-- it just all fits-- perfectly. We know the eccentricities of each other so well that we can anticipate where we are going--- It is our nine-year-plus history which has made us family that explains most of it. But, I also think that we all realize and have seen lived out in each other lives-- our feeble attempts to seek God. Yes, we lead worship together from coast to coast, but we all know that each of us has a genuine desire to know the Lord and to live for Him-- and we struggle and fail and also have victories along the way-- just like everyone else. LOVE those guys! It is still so crazy to think that God has used us to touch the lives of so many! Only He knows why! I pray that this weekend will be a time of renewal, sharing, and anything else the Lord wants to do!
This will be the longest I have EVER been away from Luke! I stopped nursing him last Saturday, so he really is a big boy now. Just in the past few days I have seen a subtle change in him-- He is getting more and more daring about testing his boundaries. When he reaches out to touch something he knows he isn't supposed to touch, he will continue to do so, all the while looking up at you with eyes that say, "I know I am not supposed to do this, but what will you do if I do it again anyway?" I am getting tired of smacking the hand and bottom and saying, "Mommy says 'no'" every five minutes. It just gets worse-- I know, I know! I have to admit that I kinda like the spunk I see in him when he looks a tad mischievous! I will live to regret that statement, I'm sure!
We have been trying to get our kitchen remodeled this month-- new countertops, tile backsplash, etc. They put the granite in Monday and hopefully the tile guy will have most of his work done Saturday. I cant' believe that we pulled off this transformation in such a short time-- basically three weeks! It's nice having friends in the contracting/builder world. Scott has wanted to upgrade the kitchen for so long. It will be nice.
On top of the frenzied chaos of picking out granite and tile and faucets and sinks--- I have also been trying to put together Luke's first birthday party! I got the invitations sent out last week and was very happy with how they turned out. We decided to just invite family this year. He won't know the difference anyway! My biggest and loftiest goal might prove to be my undoing! I am trying to take all the video footage and digital photos we have taken over the past 12 months and make a DVD to show at the party. In my head I want it to be this exquisitely put together pseudo-documentary on Luke's first year of life. Something that will bring tears to the eye, but also make us smile to think what a miracle he truly is. Scott got me the most high-tech computer that Dell makes-- and then some-- he had it built and he knows so much about computers-- I don't know much about all that spec stuff, and I got some awesome Sony editing software. I spent the last couple of night staying up late watching hours and hours of footage on the screen, sitting in awe, watching digital proof of just how fast time goes by.
It is surreal to stop and try to visualize future time-- like I wonder what I will be like when Luke is 18 and graduating from college?! What will he look like? What kind of man will he have become-- or still yet will make out of himself?! It just can't be done! Hindsight is more than "20/20" it is a genuine gift, yet we rarely stop to think of it that way. Hindsight allows us, if we stop long enough to notice, a glimpse into all things that have helped to shape us into who were are at this very minute. I am a different person after bringing Luke into the world, yes-- but I am also forever changed because I saw him laugh for the first time, and crawl, and scream "Da Da" and say "sock" every morning when I hold one up to put on his foot. (his pronunciation is more like gawk, but I know what he is saying!) I have always been sentimental about the past-- wanting to keep souvenirs of remembrance and the like-- but, I think as I am getting older, I am starting to see the past in a more complex and meaningful way. It is hard to put into words actually, but I just pray that realizing how precious time itself is, I will treasure the moments that God has given me.
I confess that I have felt "busy" lately in many aspects of life-- and it doesn't necessarily mean "busy" as in I have an overload of things to accomplish-- which I do feel-- but it is a deeper "busy"-- maybe more of an anxiety like something is happening and if I don't hurry up or open my eyes or position myself in just the right place, I might miss it. It is that restless feeling I have talked about before-- which really annoys me, because I have NO reason at all to feel restless or anxious. I admit-- I lead a pretty cushy life. To 99.9% of the world, fretting about whether or not your laundry is folded and put away is a luxurious worry. Maybe because my "worries" and "issues" are so seemingly small in comparison to SO many other things, that I feel badly about worrying at all-- maybe worry is a strong word-- badly about wanting to address the things in my life I want changed or done more efficiently.... But it all still seems foolish.... Especially when you hear news like we got on Sunday about the youth at the Highland Church in Abilene. We were so relieved that Mike and Diane's son Chris was going to be ok... but how about the parents of the little boy who died? How about the woman who was driving when the wreck occurred? How about the kids who saw the wreck happen? How about the church? How are the members supposed to deal with this? Or-- how about the tsunami victims? I could go on and on. Anyway-- I am working on trying to remind myself to stop being anxious and to be thankful. Thankful that I have a sweet, precious one year old to plan a party for-- DVD or no DVD!
It has been awhile since I have written anything of substance on the blog. I guess the "busy" junk has clouded out some of my deeper spiritual thought. I am still plowing through Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. It has really gotten to me-- I am hoping that we are going to start up a study of the book on Friday nights beginning in February with some other couples. They are good friends who also have a strong desire to be involved in the same kind of thought/study process. I have actually been pondering many things spiritual, but by the time I finally make it to the keyboard, the thoughts have gone... So, I don't guess those count.
I do want to share my new theme verse for the year-- 1 Corinthians 4:20. I can honestly say that I had never noticed it before in my life-- but a few weeks ago it jumped out at me:
- For the kingdom of God does not consist in words but in power. NAS
- God's Way is not a matter of mere talk; it's an empowered life. The Message
So-- I am not sure that I have covered everything that I discussed in the "lost entry"-- but, perhaps this late night rambling is an even better offering....
I am headed out to Fresno this weekend for a ZOE conference. I am so looking forward to it. It is the first time that we have all sung together since our conference here in October. It was nice to sit around and sing together at our rehearsal run through last Sunday. It is hard to explain how easy it is for us to sing together-- it just all fits-- perfectly. We know the eccentricities of each other so well that we can anticipate where we are going--- It is our nine-year-plus history which has made us family that explains most of it. But, I also think that we all realize and have seen lived out in each other lives-- our feeble attempts to seek God. Yes, we lead worship together from coast to coast, but we all know that each of us has a genuine desire to know the Lord and to live for Him-- and we struggle and fail and also have victories along the way-- just like everyone else. LOVE those guys! It is still so crazy to think that God has used us to touch the lives of so many! Only He knows why! I pray that this weekend will be a time of renewal, sharing, and anything else the Lord wants to do!
This will be the longest I have EVER been away from Luke! I stopped nursing him last Saturday, so he really is a big boy now. Just in the past few days I have seen a subtle change in him-- He is getting more and more daring about testing his boundaries. When he reaches out to touch something he knows he isn't supposed to touch, he will continue to do so, all the while looking up at you with eyes that say, "I know I am not supposed to do this, but what will you do if I do it again anyway?" I am getting tired of smacking the hand and bottom and saying, "Mommy says 'no'" every five minutes. It just gets worse-- I know, I know! I have to admit that I kinda like the spunk I see in him when he looks a tad mischievous! I will live to regret that statement, I'm sure!
An Empowered Life
Well-- I think Satan is trying to get to me for the last post I wrote! I just spent 45 minutes writing the most thoughtful, insightful, prolific post on how my life was going, and when I hit "publish post" an error page came up, and I lost every last bit of it!
Or-- Is the Lord trying to teach me patience?!
I'll do my best to recapture what I can remember! Well-- now Luke is waking up from his nap!
It's just not meant to be today! I will try again tomorrow!
Or-- Is the Lord trying to teach me patience?!
I'll do my best to recapture what I can remember! Well-- now Luke is waking up from his nap!
It's just not meant to be today! I will try again tomorrow!
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
2005 has arrived!
Another year has come and gone! It seems like yesterday that Scott and I were anxiously awaiting Luke's arrival and trying to imagine what our 2004 would be like with a little one! It is such a cliche, but so true-- time does fly. It is hard to believe that our first year with Luke has almost come to an end. We have learned so much and have experienced so much through him.
We had a wonderful Christmas with family and friends. Luke was just old enough to be fun, although I am sure he really didn't know what was going on. I have always adored the entire holiday season.... I start getting excited when the air first turns cold and Halloween rolls around. Then it is hayrides, bonfires, and cookouts! Next is Thanksgiving which is always such a good time with family and friends-- so nice to take time to purposefully dedicate an entire day to being thankful for all our blessings. Then Christmas is right around the corner! Another great time to celebrate God's most important and precious gift to us! What a wonderful holiday to give presents to those we love. Everyone just seems to be in the holiday spirit all over town. Perfect strangers seem to have kind words to say to each other. Then New Year's! A time to reflect on all the terrific things that have happened and to look forward to the new year ahead. It is also a time to ponder the things we want to change or do differently the next time around. January is a big birthday month for my family-- First my little sister and Scott's cousin celebrate on the ninth, then on the 12th, my mom and Scott share a birthday. My brother-in-law's is on the 24th. Mine is at the end of the month on the 26th. Then February-- where will be celebrating Luke's first birthday on the third! Then Valentine's Day-- Then Easter and Spring Break! Then it is summer again and Mother's Day!!! There is just one great reason after another to be happy this time of year!!!
Scott didn't really come from a family who was as holiday-crazy as I am. It has taken some time, but I have finally won him over to seeing how important it is to make these celebrations a part of our family traditions. I think he loves them as much as I do now, although he still laughs at all my Christmas decorations and says that my four Christmas trees are a little much!! I just love to get caught up in all of it-- It has been especially fun to start to see it all through Luke's eyes, and I am sure that as he grows, it will just keep getting more and more fun!
We were blessed to spend time with most all of the people we love. We had Christmas parties and brunches and family dinners and gatherings.... It was so nice. I couldn't imagine a better way to spend Christmas and New Year's.
So, another year has arrived. I am not sure at all what I should resolve to improve upon in 2005-- there are so many things I could stand to do better! I know I need to spend more time working on my relationship with God-- taking it from a mere acquaintance-based status to a genuinely intimate bond.... I heard a great analogy Sunday that clicked with me and seemed to sum up my feelings. John York, our preacher, used Rubel as an example for this terrific analogy-- He kidded Rubel about being such a die-hard Yankees fan. He said he bet he knew all the inside facts and tidbits about the team and players, that he knew their past record and what certain players liked and didn't like, etc. He stated that Rubel knew just about as much as he possibly could about the Yankees.... BUT, he asked Rubel if he personally knew any of the team players or coaches. Rubel said, "Derek Jeter has yet to visit my house for breakfast, lunch, or dinner." John went on to explain that that is how most of relate to God. We are often "God fans" who know a great deal about Him, but when it comes right down to it, we don't know Him on a personal level. That is where I feel I am right now. I pray that in 2005 I can move beyond that.
We will be heading to Fresno in a few weeks for ZOE's west coast conference. That is such a fun trip. The people there are SO amazing to us and have such a heart for the Lord. I didn't get to go last year because of being 8 months pregnant, so I am looking forward to visiting with all of them this year and having my spiritual cup filled to overflowing! It is so fun to travel with the ZOE gang! It will be my first time away from Luke though, so it will also be an adjustment, though I know he will do just fine without me-- not sure about how I will do!! :)
I also have Luke's first birthday party to prepare for! I will try to get the invitations in the mail this week! It is crazy to think that our little guy is almost a year old! He is so big and smart! His hair has started to lay down now, too, so he doesn't look like a baby any more! :( I had such a great moment in church Sunday with him-- I was holding him and we were standing up singing "My God Reigns" and people were clapping and all of the sudden, Luke started clapping his hands, too! It was so great to see him joining in-- just so precious. I also hope that this year I will be able to teach Luke about God and to start him on the path to his own relationship with Him. What an awesome responsibility! I am sure he will teach me more than I can imagine about what it means to be as a little child before the Father.
We had a wonderful Christmas with family and friends. Luke was just old enough to be fun, although I am sure he really didn't know what was going on. I have always adored the entire holiday season.... I start getting excited when the air first turns cold and Halloween rolls around. Then it is hayrides, bonfires, and cookouts! Next is Thanksgiving which is always such a good time with family and friends-- so nice to take time to purposefully dedicate an entire day to being thankful for all our blessings. Then Christmas is right around the corner! Another great time to celebrate God's most important and precious gift to us! What a wonderful holiday to give presents to those we love. Everyone just seems to be in the holiday spirit all over town. Perfect strangers seem to have kind words to say to each other. Then New Year's! A time to reflect on all the terrific things that have happened and to look forward to the new year ahead. It is also a time to ponder the things we want to change or do differently the next time around. January is a big birthday month for my family-- First my little sister and Scott's cousin celebrate on the ninth, then on the 12th, my mom and Scott share a birthday. My brother-in-law's is on the 24th. Mine is at the end of the month on the 26th. Then February-- where will be celebrating Luke's first birthday on the third! Then Valentine's Day-- Then Easter and Spring Break! Then it is summer again and Mother's Day!!! There is just one great reason after another to be happy this time of year!!!
Scott didn't really come from a family who was as holiday-crazy as I am. It has taken some time, but I have finally won him over to seeing how important it is to make these celebrations a part of our family traditions. I think he loves them as much as I do now, although he still laughs at all my Christmas decorations and says that my four Christmas trees are a little much!! I just love to get caught up in all of it-- It has been especially fun to start to see it all through Luke's eyes, and I am sure that as he grows, it will just keep getting more and more fun!
We were blessed to spend time with most all of the people we love. We had Christmas parties and brunches and family dinners and gatherings.... It was so nice. I couldn't imagine a better way to spend Christmas and New Year's.
So, another year has arrived. I am not sure at all what I should resolve to improve upon in 2005-- there are so many things I could stand to do better! I know I need to spend more time working on my relationship with God-- taking it from a mere acquaintance-based status to a genuinely intimate bond.... I heard a great analogy Sunday that clicked with me and seemed to sum up my feelings. John York, our preacher, used Rubel as an example for this terrific analogy-- He kidded Rubel about being such a die-hard Yankees fan. He said he bet he knew all the inside facts and tidbits about the team and players, that he knew their past record and what certain players liked and didn't like, etc. He stated that Rubel knew just about as much as he possibly could about the Yankees.... BUT, he asked Rubel if he personally knew any of the team players or coaches. Rubel said, "Derek Jeter has yet to visit my house for breakfast, lunch, or dinner." John went on to explain that that is how most of relate to God. We are often "God fans" who know a great deal about Him, but when it comes right down to it, we don't know Him on a personal level. That is where I feel I am right now. I pray that in 2005 I can move beyond that.
We will be heading to Fresno in a few weeks for ZOE's west coast conference. That is such a fun trip. The people there are SO amazing to us and have such a heart for the Lord. I didn't get to go last year because of being 8 months pregnant, so I am looking forward to visiting with all of them this year and having my spiritual cup filled to overflowing! It is so fun to travel with the ZOE gang! It will be my first time away from Luke though, so it will also be an adjustment, though I know he will do just fine without me-- not sure about how I will do!! :)
I also have Luke's first birthday party to prepare for! I will try to get the invitations in the mail this week! It is crazy to think that our little guy is almost a year old! He is so big and smart! His hair has started to lay down now, too, so he doesn't look like a baby any more! :( I had such a great moment in church Sunday with him-- I was holding him and we were standing up singing "My God Reigns" and people were clapping and all of the sudden, Luke started clapping his hands, too! It was so great to see him joining in-- just so precious. I also hope that this year I will be able to teach Luke about God and to start him on the path to his own relationship with Him. What an awesome responsibility! I am sure he will teach me more than I can imagine about what it means to be as a little child before the Father.
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